It’s often been said that it’s the little things in life that make all the difference.
No where is this truer than when it comes to keeping your relationship alive, growing and vibrant.
Romance can be one of those things that keeps a relationship fresh and exciting.
We all have different ideas of what “romance” and “being romantic” means.
There can be a lot of unmet expectations,frustrations and feelings of failure around this idea.
We don’t think it has to be this way.
What being romantic means to us is that we are continuously discovering ways to laugh, love and connect with each other and deepen our intimacy all the time.
To us, romance is what we do on a moment-by-moment and day-by-day basis to make our relationship stronger and more passionate. Being romantic is a way of showing our deep love for each other.
Of all the romantic things to do, we’ve found that the small things make the biggest difference. Here’s an example of what happened the other night…
Susie went camping for one night with her extended family and since Otto doesn’t like “roughing” it, he stayed home.
As she snuggled down in her tent with her sister, Susie called Otto on her cell phone to say goodnight. She told him that she loved him and missed him.
Although a phone call is a pretty normal thing to do between people who truly care about one another when they are apart, it can be a way to connect and rekindle love in a romantic way like we did.
Romantic things to do for each other are romantic only when they create the desired effect within the other person and within the relationship.
Romance will only create the desired effect when it is not done out of obligation or because it is expected.
So what are the best romantic things to do to make your relationship more alive?
That depends on you and your partner because everyone is different. Romance is certainly in the eye of the beholder!
To some people, a “no-brainer” romantic thing to do is to send flowers. You can’t go wrong with flowers, right?
You can go wrong with flowers if there is little or no “heart” in the gesture and if there’s something else that the other person is wanting.
Susie’s ex-husband often brought her flowers during their 30-year marriage. Although it truly was a wonderful gesture, what she really wanted more was to connect on a deeper level with him.
With that being said, here are some ideas around the notion of romance and being romantic…
1. Pay attention to what your partner likes.
If he/she likes surprises, surprise him/her. If not, don’t–even if you like surprises. Pay attention to your partner’s favorite things that they seldom indulge themselves in and then do those things. It might be something your partner wouldn’t buy or do for themselves like buy a cd of their favorite music.
2. A romantic gesture can be doing a very small thing.
It might be after the kids are in bed, getting a bowl of ice cream and two spoons–then sharing it. It might be putting the kids to bed without being asked. It might be a hug or a foot rub. For Susie, a romantic gesture is when Otto lovingly puts his hand on the back of her neck.
3. Romance can be taking a trip down memory lane.
Visit where you went on your first date or some other place that holds significance for the two of you. It’s very romantic for the two of us to visit the natural setting where we went on our first date and where we got married.
4. We’ve heard people say that they are not romantic.
If you’ve never considered yourself to be romantic and never really wanted to be but your partner would like more “romance,” you can begin by changing your thinking.
Instead of thinking that romance is something artificial and outside yourself that you “do,” you can begin thinking that romance is merely ways of expressing your love that your partner will receive and enjoy.
5. What if you want more romance and your partner doesn’t seem to?
Be more romantic and loving yourself in the way that your partner wants to be loved. Start with little ways and just see what happens.
Romance and being romantic are the things you do that bring you closer together and keep the spark alive.
Being romantic and finding romantic things to do is something that you or anyone can do. You just have to open to more possibilities, have the desire create special times with your partner or spouse and allow the ideas to flow from love.
Susie and Otto Collins are married soul mates, certified relationship coaches, authors, speakers and seminar leaders who are on a mission to show men and women all over the world how to keep the love, passion, connection and spark alive forever. Their program, Magic Relationship Words, will show you the exact words to say to stop fights, arguments and disagreements, and pull your partner closer.