by Rori Raye
In love, relationship, romance, friendship, and family – I was taught to hold it all in, and then resent what’s going on around me.
And it’s taken all the Tools I’ve created for myself and a fierce desire to be IN my body, to know my own heart, and to connect with people I love to turn that around for myself.
Every moment of every day, when I stand next to my husband, my friends, my co-workers, my family, and especially my daughter, I want – more than anything – to simply BE there.
To just simply be where I am, and then express, out loud, how I feel about what I see and hear and feel. To express the love and appreciation, and yes – anger and fear in my heart in the moment I become aware of it.
And I’ve discovered that with every tiny step I take in this lovely direction I wish to go, my life and all my relationship changes dramatically – and instantly.
It’s as though, as I sink into comfort and harmony with who I am and how I feel at every moment – everyone else becomes more comfortable and in harmony with themselves – and then the connection between us becomes almost electric with good feelings.
Here’s a letter from Linda, who’s struggling with things unsaid…
“Dear Rori, I have been in a relationship for the last three years with a man. Everything can be fine one minute and suddenly everything changes over one small thing. We normally get along very good and he has ask me to marry him in the past. I did not marry him because he seems unstable to me. He seems unstable because one sentence or word every six months or so can just throw him and that makes me wonder.
Like one time we had left a party for his daughter from a prior marriage and I made the comment that it was weird spending so much time with his ex-wife’s new in-laws. He immediately asked if I was “going to leave him.”
It is either him leaving me or me leaving him that comes up out of his mouth. Why does leaving constantly come up for him? Does he not remember the past three years and all the wonderful things that have came true in our relationship? Do men not have a memory? Why would one thing bring up leaving so quickly? Is it him or men in general? Is he just looking for a way out? Is there no trust after awhile? Linda”
Here’s my answer:
Linda, the question to ask yourself is – if you would not marry him before because you felt he was unstable, why are you still with him? And instead of asking me what he’s thinking with his bouncing back and forth between him leaving/you leaving – the Rori Raye way to do this would be to talk to HIM.
That means sharing with him, “I don’t know what to say when you talk about leaving…It makes me feel unsettled. I really want a close, intimate, trusting relationship, I want to feel like I can say anything, that we could talk through anything…”
Seems to me if you’ve already rejected him for marriage, he might be feeling insecure and needy. He might feel like something’s wrong with him. Is that how YOU feel? Is this experience that happens every 6 months all that’s bothering you?
Seems to me if you’re not willing to marry him, instead of trying to find out what HE’S thinking, see if you can focus on how YOU feel with him. How do you feel about the level of communication and connection? Have a talk and see what happens.
Telling the truth is always the answer, and saying it in Feeling Messages, with compassion for yourself AND him (and using all the other Tools in my Have The Relationship You Want ebook and programs that will take you step-by-step through this way to talk and BE with your man that will BRING HIM CLOSER instead of pushing him away) could change everything for you – with the most positive results you could dream of!
Romance Is A Skill And A Talent
…and romancing yourself requires a bit of “boy” effort – so Romance is a “boy” thing.
That’s why it feels so awful to us when it’s not coming at us, and we’re left to try to think of how to do romance ourselves.