Maybe “smothering your man” sounds a little extreme, but when you emphasize the “mothering” inside that word it often fits just right.
During the holidays, when we’re all expecting to be spending quality time with loved ones, it’s particularly hard to keep from over-staying your welcome.
But, have you noticed that some women – even your girlfriends – just can’t help self-destructing their relationships?
Even when they have a great man who treats them well, they start committing relationship sins that are sure to lead them to a cold and lonely destination. One major relationship crime is smothering your man.
Most Common Forms of Smothering Your Man:
(If any of this sounds familiar, you need to make a change starting today)
1) Do you insist that you two spend every waking minute together?
For your man to fully appreciate you…he needs time to miss you.
Too much of anything – even the “good thing” that YOU are – is still too much.
Plus! When you take time to do some shopping alone, or go on a walk solo, you’ll get back in touch with yourself, your own dreams and passions!
2) Do you resist giving him alone time?
Everyone needs time to kick back and chill. Your man will go crazy if you’re in his life twenty-four-seven.
And you’ll end up going crazy too!
3) Do you insist that he brings you to every party or event he goes to?
Everyone needs time away from the person that they’re dating. Especially to go out and have fun with friends.
Just like he changes the dynamic if you bring him out with your girlfriends, you change the dynamic of relationships in his life when you come along. We all want the good old dynamic sometimes.
I know it’s hard. Jealousy is just always peeking around the corner, ready to grab us tight in it’s grip – but we have to fight that impulse if we truly want to build TRUST with a man.
4) When your man wants to go to a party or sports event alone with his friends…and you say OK…do you show up halfway through or at the end?
This is the ultimate sign that you’re smothering your man.
Not only will this drive him crazy and make you look psycho to his friends, but you’ll also be breaking a bond of trust. If you agree to something…keep your word.
Trust is the name of the game – and first, he has to flat-out trust you with his life, his emotional core, his manhood. So build THAT strong – and everything else will follow.
5) Do you always come over uninvited or when you’re asked not to?
Realize that your man might not appreciate your habit of “just showing up”. In your mind, you’re being thoughtful and sweet, but that’s probably not how he sees it. You don’t want to seem like his mother, always desperate to check in and see how he’s doing. You’re just smothering your man.
6) Do you call him several times a night?
The truth is – no matter how great he is on the phone with you or what he says to “keep you happy” – most guys don’t like talking on the phone to the same person more than once a day…this includes you!
So many of our instincts tell us to reach out and hold on, especially during the holidays when romance seems even more important. But, remember:
Smothering Your Man Will Only Result in Losing Your Man.
It’s the total truth. AND – the horrible part is most of the time you won’t know until it’s too late!
You’ll wonder why he didn’t “tell” you before that he thought you were too clingy. Or the time he DID mention it a little – that he needed some space – you thought he was being insensitive and a jerk – or “afraid” of commitment.
You may not think of yourself as clingy or smothering – you might think you’re being loving and nurturing – but it’s a fine line between the two.
What your girlfriends might think of as “being a good friend,” your man might think of as treating him like your son – and that’s just a hop and a skip from “emasculating” him by plain-old “doing too much” for him.
The way to combat all these things we women do instinctively that results in pushing a man away by mothering him and smothering him – despite our best intentions – is to work on our own self-confidence and independence (always a huge attraction for a man) and learn to “get” him on as many, and as deep levels as we can.
That means beefing up our intuition, the way we listen to him, the way we pay attention to his body language and his personality quirks, and the sensitivity we have about how different he is as a man than we are as women.
When he can relax around you and trust you won’t be constantly giving him more of you than he can handle – you’ll see – he’ll actually start to WANT to be with you more.
Sincerely, Sarah for the Editors at