by Bede Nicholson
Should I call or should I wait for him to call me?
Who would have thought that a simple phone call should mean so much. This amazing piece of modern technology which allows us to communicate over great distance can also be the centre point of our romantic crisis. Are you waiting to hear back from him after your first date?
Have you had a break with your boyfriend and he promised he would call in a couple of weeks? Does your partner disappear off the planet and then call out of the blue? When your relationship feels like it s on shaky ground, the phone call can come to represent so much more than a simple act of exchanging information.
So, should you call him? Obviously, each situation is unique, but my simple answer to you is that it doesn t matter whether you call or not, the important issue is the way you do it.
The false assumption that many of my clients make is that by not calling they are somehow giving the message they are not needy or desperate. That not calling is playing hard to get.
This is simply not true. In some cases not calling can make the other person feel like you are just playing games, and we all know that people who play games are generally insecure and needy. To answer this question, you really have to look at your intention. Am I calling because I need to, or am I calling because I just want some kind of confirmation of his feelings? Am I not calling him to prove some kind of point or to test him, or am I not calling because I just don t need to?
This requires some honest self reflection. If you are calling him because you are just feeling needy then don t call. Give yourself the space and time to let the feeling of neediness pass and then it s OK to give him a ring. If you are trying to test his feelings by not calling then find another way to do this talk to him directly. It may be awkward and uncomfortable, but it shows you have confidence and clarity both very attractive qualities.
From Sarah: Bede is part of Gaye Wright’s team. Bede is well known as a relationship expert and he uses his wonderful expertise to offer advice on handling 21st century problems like these. Gaye, a gifted psychic, has a huge site, with all kinds of free information. Just go here to get Gaye’s free newsletters.