mountaintopby Woman On A Mountaintop

Today my coffee date guy cancelled at short notice. He called and said he’s sick– and I think he was telling the truth because he was coughing a lot during the phone conversation. He seems nice.

He said, “I’m not feeling all that terrible, but I’m coughing so much and I’d hate to get you sick.” I’m looking forward to meeting him.

Yesterday my dinner date cancelled too. He left a voicemail that went on and on, telling me that he had to cancel because he had just then found out that a friend from out of town was coming over, arriving in about an hour, so he wanted to be there for him.

I thought…you’re calling me at 2:30 to leave me a voicemail that our 7pm date is canceled (that we’d made four days before) because someone is giving you an hour’s notice that he’s coming up. Yeah….you sure know how to make a girl feel special.

Today this guy called to see if I could go out tonight, instead of last night. I told him that I wasn’t available. He told me that I should think about it and when I decide when I’d like to go out to dinner, I should call him and tell him what the plan is.

They both canceled. But I felt like one guy was sending energy towards me and the other one was draining me

My back-up plan for the coffee date was a “Cabin Fever Stories” event at a small local museum. They had a slide show of big snow storms in the town’s history, and there were a few old timers who shared their stories of snowstorms they’d experienced. It was really fun.

Then Iooked up and discovered that it was snowing really hard, and now I am taking refuge in a restaurant on the outskirts of town, after skidding a few times when I started to drive home.

I’ve been pondering all day about the “Giving up” on Joe thing.

I’ll feel like I’ve given up, and like other things are front and center in my field of vision — like, my novel, or getting a job. And then I’ll blink and Joe is front and center again.

So I have to sort of manually readjust the focus. Is that right? Does one just keep readjusting the focus to “Giving Up” until that becomes the default focus?

Joe called last night and it felt entirely different than any conversation I’d ever had with him. I still felt like I was in the “Giving up” frame of mind that I’d been in earlier in the day when I ran into him. (So glad I saw him then, not earlier when I’d been sad.)

This phone call still felt easy, fun, and light-hearted like all our conversations…Yet, if conversations were scented, this one had a completely different aroma.

Instead of smelling deep and musky, say, like “Opium,” it smelled citrusy and light, like the smell of 7-UP. Does that make sense?

I remembered to speak in Feelings Messages where possible. It didn’t feel like it was a heart-chakra conversation, though. It felt like it was drawing from all the chakras equally.

Is that what we’re going for here? I’m out of my comfort zone.

Boy I hope the roads are clear. I have about 18 miles to get home, the last 15 minutes going up the mountain.

This is my road, where I walk with my dog every morning and evening.
(Look way down and you can see him, a small black dot.)

I always think that things that are good in one way are usually good in other ways, too. Living here makes me happy, is easier to pay for, gets me out of the rat-race of the city that was stressing me out, and is all in all just easier and nicer. Besides, my dog is happier here. :)

It’s stopped snowing so I guess I’ll try my luck at driving home again. The snowplow is driving by right now, so I guess that’s a good sign!

I might sign up for Aikido on Monday afternoons… I have a framed picture of O Sensei at the age of 89, flipping a younger man with a big smile on his face. But I’ve never taken a martial arts class and I think it might be time!

Leave a Comment