by Jonathon Aslay
If you have even been in a relationship for any length of time you would agree with me that there can be many areas of conflict.
One of the most frequent fields of concern is the lack of intimacy shared between a man and a woman. Unfortunately women have been conditioned to think nothing of pursuing men and putting up with their bad relationship behavior.
They absolve men for being emotionally distant, physically and emotionally evasive, and abusive.
They excuse them for being workaholics, relationally unskilled and incompetent at navigating love relationships.
I believe the current problems men and women experience in relationships have something to do with a lack of hero’s journey in men’s lives.
Granted, not all men are hard to love, but many are.
The number of men, women and families that suffer because of this is astounding.
For those who are seeking a way to repair their relationship, consider this: One of the keys that would help men be more interactive and create happier relationships would be to undertake a hero’s journey to intimacy.
The Hero’s Journey of a Single Man Leads To Relationship
What can a single man do if he is has been unlucky in love?
A single man’s hero journey to intimacy may begin when his relationship falls apart and he finally realizes that he actually had something to do with yet another relationship failure.
He may also undertake his hero’s quest when he finally realizes that he will never meet the right woman unless he does something radically different.
He will then pursue an inner journey, assisted by great magicians and alchemists – therapists, coaches and support groups – to understand and transfigure his inner dynamics.
He will go on a personal quest and find himself inside of himself. This will take time and effort causing him much suffering. But he will persist, knowing that if he does not change, love will continue to be elusive.
As he chooses to take this emotional lead and endure the fires of struggle within, the dross begins to separate from his soul, transforming his ability to love creating integrity and value likened to that of precious gold.
He will grow himself up by learning what emotionally mature men do in relationships.
He will learn how to love without losing himself. He will discover how to stand firm and still be loving.
He will understand how to give generously and yet take care of his own needs. He will learn how to be passionate and creative while maintaining his maturity.
This is the kind of man most women are seeking nowadays for a relationship partner.
Note to Women: If you are seeking an emotionally mature man, you will want to find out if the man you are about to date has had some sort of hero’s journey that has taught him how to be mature in a relationship.
The Married Or IN a Relationship Man’s Hero Journey
Where do you turn if you are a man unhappy with your relationship or marriage? What do you do if you are a woman unhappy with your relationship or marriage?
If a man is already in a relationship and struggling, he needs to be encouraged by his partner to take a hero’s journey. Instead of begging and pleading, criticizing and cajoling or putting up with bad behavior, women may want to learn how to become the quest.
Women must allow themselves to be won by a man, rather than chasing him or making it easy for him to “get you.”
know this is an old-fashioned idea and I am sure that many will be unhappy with the passive role that I am suggesting women take, but think about it this way:
If something is easily attained, especially by a child, it is usually considered of little value and discarded.
Consider a child who gets many presents for which he or she did not have to work. If a toy gets broken or lost it’s not a big deal – the child will just pick up another toy.
Men who have not gone on a journey of emotional maturity are like children when it comes to relationships.
The women who are with them are the toys. If you were easily attained, if you are the one that wants him more, if you are the one who keeps asking for closeness, you will be easily ignored and perhaps discarded.
Men who have not undergone a hero’s journey prior to meeting you must learn how to win you over. In their personal battles they need to slay their own dragons of fear and relational immaturity.
The prescription for this journey is the same as a single man’s, except with one key difference: The love and connection he has with you is the prize at the end of his journey.
You are his quest.
The man’s journey must be treacherous and difficult, but not in the way that modern women make men’s journey to intimacy difficult. Do not criticize him when he doesn’t act the way you desire.
Do not chase him to get him to talk to you. Do not cajole or overwhelm him to get him to be close to you. Instead, be the queen in the castle, unattainable until the dragon is slain. Be the queen in the high tower, untouchable and unavailable until he treats you as a hero must treat his queen.
Do not come down out of your castle until he has won your heart. Allow him his full journey experience and allow him to win you over, so that he can mature into the relationship hero you and he want him to be.
So what does a hero’s quest have to do with men and intimacy? Everything! A man will not be able to have a healthy, mature, loving relationship until he undertakes a hero’s quest and learns how to love.
Single men may take up this quest when they fail at love yet again. Men in relationships will take up this quest when the woman in their life becomes the queen in the high tower.
When a man decides it’s important enough to slay the fierce dragons in his life in order to win the love and adoration of the queen, he will make it his purpose to over throw all obstacles to intimacy and attain victory on the hero’s journey.
From The Editors: Jonathon KNOWS the male brain. He coaches women on how to “choose better” when it comes to men, and he has a huge following. We just LOVE him and know you’ll love his free tips, too – so go here to find out how you can succeed at your relationship->