relationshipby Dominique

You’ve likely heard that, in a relationship, a man is meant to do the chasing or courting, and the woman sits back and enjoys the attention, allows herself to be wooed, and if she likes him, she welcomes the advances, and if she doesn’t, she lets him go.

Well you might say that times have changed… We are no longer possessions. We can and do work alongside men in any profession.

AND we CAN do the courting; we can chase after men and run the dating show so to speak too.

But is this what you really want?

Biologically, men are men, and women are women. Well…yes of course – AND along with this, our natures as men and women have not changed either. The dynamic between males and females in courtship are as they always have been.

This is even more marked the healthier you become inside; the more you heal, the more you are able to be in your heart, open and vulnerable, authentic.

Men and women have worked so hard to change this though, believing that equality is an ideal worth striving for.

But Does This Work in a Relationship?

I believe this is a mistake, a misguided idea which seems to be playing out to everyone’s detriment.

Confusion is now reigning on both sides. Few know how to BE in the dating and relationship world, and the results have been in many cases disastrous.

It has worked to pull men and women further apart rather than bring them closer together.

Maybe you are aware of this on some level.

Now I am absolutely NOT suggesting that a return to Victorian times is a good idea. What I am saying is that a return to a feminine and masculine way of demeanor is.

What I mean by this is that women need to be more womanly, open hearted, emotional, soft, and vulnerable yet with very well established boundaries, not walls, boundaries.

And men need to be men, leading, rowing the boat so to speak, being more and more present so that you can go deeper together as a couple than you ever could alone.

What Does This Mean for You Relationship?

This means you as a woman need to lean back. You need to learn how to receive. If you are new to this kind of work and even if you have been at it awhile, the feeling that leaning back brings can feel very scary and uncomfortable.

It can feel like a position from which a man will surely take advantage, use and abuse you. It can feel SO vulnerable. It can feel like weakness. And weakness is bad!!! Isn’t it???

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Vulnerable DOES NOT at all mean weak. Coming from a place of vulnerability is not only immensely beautiful, for you are being real, AUTHENTIC, you are also being tremendously alluring, enticing, goddessy.

Courting is innate in the human species, in most all of the species for that matter. The man does the wooing. And the woman chooses to have him or not. What are your thoughts?


From The Editors: We love Dominique as a person, and think she’s one of the best coaches around. She’s the ONLY coach we recommend to women who want to open their hearts and find their true selves in a deep emotional, physical, spiritual, sensual and sexual way. Start with her ebook “Sex and Heart” – and then email her for coaching for your relationship->

1 Comment

  1. Michelle on December 22, 2011 at 9:14 am

    What happens if I’ve already “rowed the relationship boat” with the man I’m interested in? Is it too late to row backwards and let him do the pursuing? We’ve been dating now for seven months, albeit very very casual for the first five or so! He had had his heart broken by a divorce four years ago and wasn’t sure he was ready to be in another relationship or if he ever would be ready. We both agreed that it would just be a casual dating thing, nothing serious, but every time we did get together, it was at my initiative, and I started having feelings for him way before he did for me. Now, just in the last month, he has realized his attachment to me, but he is extremely conflicted about what to do. He even voiced himself that he never felt like he went through the “chase” when it came to me and he was used to doing that in previous relationships. He feels like he skipped past that part and now has all these feelings he doesn’t know what to do with. He’s not sure if he thinks of me as a crutch when he’s down and out (a place of comfort) or if he’s really falling in love with me. The reason it started out so casual is because what he really wanted was to find someone he could have a baby with, as he has no kids of his own and is now 41. It’s something he desperately wants but is afraid he has missed his opportunity for; nonetheless, he had a strong desire to at least “try” to find it… find someone he could fall for who he could have a child with. Then I come along with four kids already of my own and had just gotten my tubes tied earlier this year. I’m all done having children. But he liked me right away when we met and we had an immediate chemistry. We are so much alike and he tells me over and over how I “get him” and no one else does. He loves that I get him and that we have such a strong connection, but he’s afraid that by committing to a relationship with me he’s giving up that potential to have his own child, and he doesn’t know if he’ll be ok with that or not. I tell him that he should at least try and to go out there and date other women to see if it’s even a possibility, but he’s gotten to the point now that he doesn’t really want to because he likes me so much, but at the same time I don’t fit his ideals. He knows that I’ve fallen in love with him, but he doesn’t know whether he has with me or not and he’s afraid of hurting me. I’m trying to just sit back and let him figure it out for himself, but I think he feels pressured because he knows how strongly I feel for him. I just don’t know what I should do at this point. It feels like that closer I get to him, the further he backs away; and then when I back off a bit, he comes closer. But then if I respond to his coming closer by caring for him and showing him attention, he backs off again. It’s like he draws me in, then pushes me away.. and I stay away, but then he draws me in again.. and then he pushes me away.. etc., and it just cycles like that. What do I do?

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