From Sarah: There are a number of ways to begin dealing with loneliness that involve the need to develop friendships, doing things for yourself, or learning to feel better about yourself in general – and…
… I realized that this all sounds pretty harsh.
I know when I feel lonely or down, I feel too fragile to just “go do things” – but after reading this, I felt like it was a “kick in the pants,” and that there are SO many ways to feel better I hadn’t even thought of:
There Are Simple and Practical Ways to Short-Circuit That Feeling of Loneliness
1. Constantly remind yourself that the feeling of loneliness is TEMPORARY and that it will pass.
Everything is always changing. It’s not that you need to “get over” being lonely – we all feel lonely and alone some of the time.
It’s just that you can quickly start to see and feel that lonely is not ALL you are! That loneliness is not ALL there is…
2. Make an effort to talk to someone NEW.
I know it’s hard when you’re feeling off-balance and down, but you have to develop momentum.
The first step is usually the hardest but most necessary – and after that it all gets better and easier.
3. Put yourself in new situations where you’ll meet people.
Don’t “do things” because you think a man will be there.
Just engage in activities in which you have genuine interest. I know everyone always tells you that – but it’s true! There are so many places to go where you can meet with people of similar interest – meetup.com is perfect for that, and also nearly clubs, churches, stores, meetings, lectures, classes…
4. Join societies like church groups, organizations, charitable foundations, volunteer groups, political campaigns…research and find things to try out.
5. STOP listening to lonely songs (e.g. All by Myself – Celine Dion).
Okay – this is a big one.
If it makes you feel bad and sorrowful – DON’T listen to it!
6. OPEN yourself to others first. You may be more closed off than you know. If people are excluding you or not approaching you – you might have a wall up saying “Don’t come near!”
Sometimes fear of being rejected or overlooked can make you seem cold and distant – even though, inside, you’re just feeling insecure and soft like a marshmallow.
Feeling your loneliness is totally the way to keep yourself from getting swallowed up by your loneliness.
The way to get a man (all people, actually) to open up to you is to listen to them with your own heart wide open.
If you find yourself judging YOURSELF all the time – chances are you’re sending out a judgmental “vibe” that’s keeping men away. No one wants to share themselves with a person they perceive as “closed” – so take a look at how you treat YOURSELF. That’ll give you a clue as to how people perceive you treating THEM.
7. Don’t “see” new men on the basis of past relationships with men from your past. Try to see each person you meet from a new perspective – try being curious instead of putting labels on the men around you, or instinctively “judging” them.
8. Intimate friendships usually develop gradually as people learn to share their inner feelings. Don’t rush into intimate friendship by sharing too much or expecting that others will.
9. Don’t just seek romantic relationships. Platonic or even casual buddies can be extremely satisfactory.
10. Lead a well balanced life. Never neglect good nutrition, exercise and sufficient sleep. One of the main causes of depression which leads to loneliness, is the lack of those things.
11. Spending time alone will help you examine yourself more closely. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Becoming your own best friend is the best thing you can do to create an “aura” around you that will bring men to you from everywhere.
12.Don’t be a “parasite” to your friends. Okay, that’s pretty harsh.
If you seek them for compassion and sympathy, they will be there for you. But if you repeatedly drone over and over about your problems, and all you ever talk about – it becomes a nuisance. Your friends will at best then just tolerate you and humor you – and you won’t know why…you’ll think there’s something wrong with you when it’s just your “mindset” being stuck in your own “negatives” that’s killing your fun and joyful self.
And your fun and joyful self is in there! She just may be hiding right now under layers of other feelings. Get to know what those feelings are.
13. Reflect back on good memories and count your blessings.
14. Learn a new skill. Success in achieving something will make you feel good about yourself.
15. If you’re having long term depression, it is not wrong to seek medical advice. It is perfectly normal to get a prescription – and certainly extremely valuable to get on a program of nutritional and dietary and holistic support. Our bodies are complex, and poor nutrition, or even allergies to certain things can cause an imbalance in certain chemicals in the body and actually be the source of depression and can be treated easily.
16. See a counselor and talk in privacy.
17. Spend time in Prayer.
Healing your heart can make all the difference in your love life. You might be afraid to even go on dates with men if you feel afraid of how things will go.
And if you’re caught in a web of loneliness, you might subconsciously and instinctively – without even meaning to – push people away or put up walls between you and a man so you won’t “get hurt.” Our 7 Steps To Lifelong Love program goes so deep – it not only gives you practical steps to attract the right man for you, keep his interest and keep the relationship on course to commitment and lifelong love, it teaches you, step-by-step, how to deepen the relationship on an emotional level so you get the intimacy you crave and finally end the loneliness that’s preventing you from finding intimacy. Just go here to check out “7 Steps To Lifelong Love” and get the love and intimacy that will finally crowd out loneliness in your life->