You see a lot online or in magazines or on t.v. about how to deal with problems and issues in a relationship or marriage.
The sad thing is that most of these problems could easily have been avoided if people would have just taken some time to communicate values, religion etc. before marriage.
Finding out what you have in common, what you don’t agree on and what you may be able to compromise on before you are married can save a lot of stress and tension after you are married.
Hey, I’m not criticizing anyone, I did the same thing. I ignored very obvious warning signs that my soon to be husband wasn’t really the man for me. I was in love and apparently blind, because I went through with it and we got married.
I did get two wonderful, beautiful children out of the marriage so I guess I won’t complain, but many of the hurts and issues we faced could have been avoided if both of us had been more honest at the start.
Wanting Different Things in Marriage
It became clear fairly early on that we didn’t really have that much in common. We each wanted different things in a marriage. I wanted my best friend and companionship. Someone who I knew always had my back, even when I was wrong or just not very lovable. He wanted someone to cook and clean for him.
He didn’t want a partner, we wanted a maid and a call girl. He was very immature and emotionally stunted, that too become pretty clear early on.
If you don’t want your marriage to end up in divorce, take some time to communicate values, religion, etc., before marriage. Finding out what your soon-to-be-spouse is really like can be the difference between a wonderful marriage or a nightmare.
The Pre-Marriage Questions:
Here are some basic things the two of you should be on the same page about (or at least be able to find a good compromise on):
1. If religion is something that is very important to you, it might be a good idea to marry someone with similar beliefs.
If you have some belief in a higher power but you aren’t too tied to any one organized religion, than it may not be a problem.
2. Do you want to have kids?
If so, how many?
How do you think they should be raised, should one parent stay home with them or are you both ok with the idea of daycare?
If one parent should stay home, which parent?
All of this is very important to take into consideration.
If you have a great career you love and your soon-to-be-husband has very traditional values and expects you to stay home and raise the kids, how is that going to make you feel?
3. What about money?
Is one of you someone who likes to pinch every penny and the other likes to rack up the credit cards to the limit?
If so, how is that going to work?
It will be a constant source of stress between the two of you.
Also, who handles the money and financial issues, like getting insurance, paying the bills, etc.?
Some couples like to do it together, which is best.
But others may think that only one should do it.
Find out what your partner is thinking.
Communicating your values, religious or otherwise, before marriage, is a good idea and may just save your marriage.
Statistics show that money is the bottom line issue that breaks more marriages than anything else. Don’t let your relationship go down the tubes because you’re afraid to talk about money or ANYTHING else even BEFORE you get to the altar. Jeffrey Mark Levine will teach you how to talk about anything – even serious disagreements about kids, religion, money – everything (it’s not about what you talk about – it’s the way you talk to HIM that counts). Just go here to check out his “Good Husband Guide” to learn how to make your relationship last forever or even save your marriage->