by Rori Raye
I have a New Year’s Resolution for us all this year – and that resolution is: NO MORE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS!
It just feels all wrong to me.
A “Resolution” seems like something I’d write down for myself to do – or TELL myself to do – that I just DON’T WANT to do.
Like never eating chocolate. Or walking a certain distance or exercising a certain way every day.
The moment my brain hears that “have to” attached to the “resolution” I can FEEL it grating in my mind.
I feel ANNOYED.
And yet, there are so many things I want for myself that I want to find some way to mark them down and get them for myself.
Does this sound familiar to you?
So, what is it YOU want?
If you’re like I was when my relationships weren’t going the way I wanted them to, what you want more than anything is to love, to be loved, and live in “Happy Ever After” forever.
You’ve made “Resolutions” and plans, and suffered and tried to make things happen.
After years of trial-and-error, I finally DID get what I wanted – Happy Ever After. And so can you.
And I’d like to get it for you so much FASTER than the years it took me.
So, if “Resolutions” don’t feel right – what would work better?
One of my favorite words, the one that gets me into an easy, receiving, and yet active and just plain good-feeling place is the word “Intend.”
If I “Intend” to do something or have something, the feeling of it is more than a wish, and yet not a real “have to.”
It just means, if I so CHOOSE, I can do that thing or have that thing.
And the nasty voice in my head stays much quieter when I “Intend” instead of “Resolve.”
New Year’s Eve, about 3 months before my husband proposed, was not a happy time for me.
In fact, at the stroke of midnight, dressed up in party clothes and hoping for a lifelong commitment to come out of my then “live-in boyfriend’s” mouth, what I got from him instead was the “I’m not ready” speech.
Instead of “I love you” and let’s get married, I got “I’m not ready.”
I remember being devastated, furious, and half- crazy with confusion.
All I could think was “What do I do now?” Hardly a great time for a resolution.
What I “resolved” at that moment was “To get him to commit to me,” and all that did was push him further away for about a month.
When I finally realized that what I was doing to bring this man – a man I’d been SO SURE of – closer to me and closer to wanting to commit to me, I tried something different.
Instead of “resolving” anything, I just told myself that I’d be OKAY. No matter what.
I see now that I’d “set an Intention” to be “Okay.”
It wasn’t a huge statement to make to myself, but it was all I could manage.
And it was enough to get me started in the right direction.
It got me to Intend to DO some things for MYSELF that would help me be – not just Okay – but sensational, terrific, thrilled, happy, and married.
So, let’s try this new Tool for New Year’s:
THE FUTURE LETTER
Instead of “Resolving” to get your relationship on track and do what it takes to get him across the finish line or to find that special, perfect man who’s right for you, let’s make it as if it’s really, already happened!
Let’s write a Future Letter to ourselves.
Get out a piece of paper, or on your computer’s fine.
Date this letter one year from now – New Year’s 2010.
You’ll be writing this letter to yourself (or write to ME if you’d like – I’ll read it and hold the space for you to have this fabulous year you’re going to write about)…so you’ll start with “Dear (your name) or Dear Rori…
Now, think of exactly what you want for yourself in this next year, and exactly how it’s going to go – EVERYTHING you want.
Write about money – write EXACTLY how much money you want coming in every month, where that money will be coming from, and EXACTLY how you’re going to spend it.
Don’t be stingy with your imagination here – make it a LOT of money, but something your brain will see as DO-ABLE, not just a fantasy.
Make it a high salary for someone with your kind of job, and make it a job in an environment you enjoy…
Make it up so it feels GOOD.
And then write about all the LOVE, ROMANCE AND RELATIONSHIP you want to experience in 2010.
And let’s set another rule here for that – let’s make it about the BIG PICTURE.
Instead of making it about the boyfriend you have who’s causing you pain now, or the man you have a crush on who isn’t paying you enough attention now, or your husband who’s going through some hard times and making your life unhappy now – let’s make it about what would feel GOOD.
How does that look for you?
Make it about a man with a movie star face – not a specific man, but imagine how it is he holds you – how he touches you, what his face looks like when he smiles at you.
Imagine getting attention and love without WORKING for it.
Imagine getting great sex AND friendship – all together instead of just one or the other.
Imagine feeling respected and loved, and imagine feeling SECURE and COMMITTED.
And as you’re imagining all this, now comes the IMPORTANT PART: