by Todd Creager
Here is the Wikipedia definition of ‘masculinity’:
Masculinity is manly character. It specifically describes men and boys, that is personal and human, unlike male which can also be used to describe animals, or masculine which can also be used to describe noun classes. When masculine is used to describe men, it can have degrees of comparison-more masculine, most masculine. The opposite can be expressed by terms such as unmanly, epicene or effeminate. A typical near-synonym of masculinity is virility (from Latin vir, man); and the usual complement is femininity.
Well, that doesn’t really say anything. However, it does end by saying “the usual complement is femininity.” Here is the definition of femininity according to Wikipedia:
Femininity (also called womanliness) refers to qualities and behaviors judged by a particular culture to be ideally associated with or especially appropriate to women and girls. Distinct from femaleness, which is a biological and physiological classification concerned with the reproductive system, femininity principally refers to secondary sex characteristics and other behaviors and features generally regarded as being more prevalent and better suited to women, whether inborn or socialized. In traditional Western culture, such features include gentleness, patience, and kindness.
That definition is a little clearer; at least it equated femininity with traits such as gentleness, patience and kindness. What do those three traits have in common? Looking at those three words on this page, I think of the word ‘soft’ and I think of the word ‘open.’ In gentleness, patience and kindness, there is an overall quality of non-resistance and acceptance. So, femininity has to do with openness, softness and a certain acceptance and non-resistance.
Here Is My Definition of Masculinity:
Masculinity is any action a man can do that will bring out the softness, acceptance, openness and non-resistance of his female partner.
How Can a Man Learn to Use His Masculinity to Evoke This Femininity from His Mate?
1) Ask her. This is the # 1 way- For example- “What do you need for me the most that would make you feel loved and cherished?
2) Stop looking at your female mate as a nag or a controller. When you see her that way, you are experiencing her as a “mother: or authority and you are the child that has to be compliant or rebellious. Instead, come form your own “inner adult” and see her as a person who has needs or wants. She is not a nag; she just needs you to come through for her and nurture her. She wants to depend on you to a certain degree. That will bring out her femininity; her trust.
3) Listen to her. Stop trying to fix or solve her problems. Listening may just be the single most masculine act you can do. Why you may ask? Because it has maximum impact and brings out the trust of your female partner.
4) Unlearn the old, obsolete ideas of masculinity. Being dominant brings out distrust, not trust of your female mate which gives you less of what you want. Being passive is not the answer either. The masculinity of a real man involves standing up for yourself but not being self absorbed. Your needs are important but no more important than your partner’s.
5) Create a habit of thinking about her and how you can make her feel important. Do this contemplating for several minutes every day and then follow through with action. It is not difficult to be romantic. It just takes thought and then speaking or acting in ways that let her know that she is on your mind.
6) Sexually, everything follows the same way as what I have said. Ask for what you want and be interested in what she wants. Her sexual needs are probably different than yours. “Viva la difference!” Soothe yourself if you don’t get to orgasm because she wants to just cuddle. The rewards are coming. A woman who feels cherished and important and listened to, will want to please you sexually. In the long run, you will get more of what you want when you stop insisting on your way. A quote I read comes to mind- “Ask for everything you want and demand nothing.” This is great advice.
After reading what I just wrote, I better follow it! (lol) So should you!
Embrace Your Masculinity.
Bringing out your female partner’s femininity will not only help you feel masculine and good about yourself; it will also create and maintain the healthy polarity of man and woman that you may have had very early in your relationship. However, if you have never had this healthy polarity of masculine/feminine, you can enjoy experimenting with these new behaviors and enjoy the benefits of being a real man.
From Sarah: Todd Creager is an accomplished Speaker, Therapist, Consultant and Author. You can trust him to have sound advice on almost every trouble in your relationship. And you can find much more at The Todd Creager Center for em>Successful Relationships – be sure to look for more of his articles around masculinity.