by Gaye Wright
How often have you felt that someone close to you is trying to manipulate you one way or another in order to try and get his or her own way? There are extreme cases of manipulation and the more subtle day-to-day forms that sometimes we just brush aside and ignore. We can sometimes end up living in situations where most of the communication in a relationship ends up being one form of emotional manipulation or another. This form of manipulative communication often leads to disappointment, it rarely satisfies and when taken to extremes it can lead to very hurtful and even abusive behaviour.
When emotional manipulation turns into blackmail it can have disastrous consequences for a relationship and it really isn t a good way to communicate.
Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten (either directly or indirectly) to punish us if we don’t do what they want. At the heart of any kind of blackmail is one basic threat, which can be expressed in many different ways: If you don’t behave the way I want you to, you will suffer.
Conflict or Harmony – your choice:
As a reader I find that manipulation is often what people will resort to in particular when they are in a situation where they are trying to force an issue to a conclusion. For example in the case of two people having an affair one or the other of the partners will threaten to end the relationship if the other does not comply with their wishes that they leave their partner and start a serious relationship with them. I often find that the issue of long-term commitment can become a very pertinent one extremely quickly when there is an affair in question, and a source of great anxiety and stress.
One or the other of the partners, usually the single one, will be looking for a commitment from the other person at a speed that is unrealistic simply because of the lack of confidence that the relationship will go from an affair to a long-term relationship. Often, in a case like this one, out of sheer fear and frustration people will resort to either emotional manipulation or emotional blackmail. In my experience as a psychic it does not work, manipulation is a very poor substitute for real communication and all too often leads to irreconcilable conflicts, ruining what otherwise could have grown into a solid relationship.
Why do we Manipulate or allow ourselves to be Manipulated:
Are you a people pleaser? Are you afraid of disapproval? Are you afraid of another’s anger? Do you feel you owe someone a duty, even if it involves something you don’t want to do? or something which is bad for you? Do you feel guilty when you don’t give in? Does it make you feel you aren’t a good person?
These are some of the issues involved when there is emotional manipulation taking place. When all of these feelings or issues come up in a relationship sometimes the easiest way to deal with them is to allow a process of manipulation as a form of communication to take place. One of the partners becoming the manipulator and in extreme cases the blackmailer and the other the manipulated.
The real issue here is one of communication, and emotional manipulation can sometimes be the easiest and least challenging way to communicate. The patterns are all laid out for you, you don t have to really think, just join the dots in the usual stereotypical way.
The challenge of manipulation:
The challenge is to break out of the habits that cause you to communicate in a manipulative manner. The pattern of manipulation is based on simple fears. The fear is that you will not get what you want, or that what you have will be taken from you. This fear can become so intense that you will go to any lengths to avoid any kind of communication that may bring things to a head. You are thereby avoiding the issues that need to be dealt with and either using manipulation as way of trying to get your own way or allowing yourself to be manipulated as a way of dealing with the fear of loss.
Manipulation doesn t always have to be extreme either; people can sometimes establish gentle forms of emotional manipulation as a way of getting what they want from their partner, family and friends. But even in these less extreme cases manipulation is a poor substitute for honest communication. Seeing through the illusion that somehow manipulating or allowing yourself to be manipulated is an effective tool for communication is the real challenge. Once you have seen through this you can let go of the manipulative patterns, however frightening this may seem at first, going through the pain barrier and doing so leads to liberation.
Awareness of Manipulative Patterns:
Being aware of how manipulative patterns of behaviour start and get established is the key to letting go of manipulation. In some cases if your parents manipulated each other and you too, you then learned to use this poor and ineffective tool as your vehicle for communication. If this is the case you can be stepping into the unknown, and this will require some courage and some determination, as sometimes the patterns will not dissolve over night. Observing yourself without judgement and identifying the manipulative patterns is the first step.
Intention to end Manipulation:
The next step is to make it your intention to let go of the manipulative patterns of behaviour, whether you are the manipulator or the manipulated. Staying firm in your intention and not wavering, trusting that by being clear in your heart and mind that you are not going to allow manipulation to be the tool you use to communicate is the best thing for you and your partner or family or friend.
Manifestation of non-manipulative communication:
As you become aware and then keep your intention focussed on your goals, little by little, bit-by-bit you will see your relationships transform. They will transform from manipulative, unsatisfactory relationships that bring no real joy, to a warm loving and caring relationship where you and your partner take care of each other s needs.
Remember however complicated the issues you are dealing with are, manipulation in the long run is an ineffective tool for communication, and it leads inevitably to a relationship that based on compromise, fear and dissatisfaction.
From Sarah – I’ve been looking everywhere for real help with being psychic and developing your intuition. For me, this is the single-most important thing – I want to KNOW what’s going to happen – I want to really GET what my man really means when he says something – I don’t want to guess – I just want to be smarter. And my girlfriends spend all kinds of money hiring psychics to help them in their relationships. It just makes sense to me that if I have the right information, the right HELP – I can learn to do it myself, and so I’m working on it – and I really do see a big difference. Gaye has a huge site, with all kinds of free information, and her free newsletters are fabulous. Just go here to get Gaye’s free newsletters: right here->