relationshipEveryone talks about personal, emotional and relationship “Boundaries.” About how it’s important to have them and stick to them.

So, what are “Boundaries,” anyway?

Well, they’re the rules you make for yourself to protect yourself – rules like how much alcohol you’re going to drink on a date or at a party, when you’re going to have sex (first date, wait until marriage, or anywhere in between), and what kind of treatment you will and will not tolerate.

Boundaries are way different than “defenses.” And in a relationship – “defenses” just push love away.

Defenses are the kind of barriers we put up with almost everyone so no one ever gets to actually see who we are inside.

Defenses are what we look like when we don’t feel good enough about ourselves to just be ourselves.

Defenses Are Useless In A Relationship

They keep us from getting connected on any kind of level – even friendship.

But Boundaries are priceless. They keep us from throwing ourselves out the window of infatuation at men who don’t deserve us. (If they don’t want us, they don’t deserve us!)

So Make Some Relationship Rules:

(Here are some ideas – but go ahead and make up your own):

1. Don’t tolerate any kind of physical or verbal abuse, or bad behavior of any kind.

(This doesn’t mean someone doesn’t get to be angry with you – it just means they don’t get to attack you, cheat on you, ignore you, or otherwise make you feel bad all the time.)

2. If what you want is a relationship, and not just casual sex, then don’t have sex until your relationship is actually exclusive!

Make sure “exclusivity” isn’t just assumed, but talked about.

In addition to exclusivity, you and your man should be seeing each other regularly and often, and the future of the relationship should be on the table.

3. Judge your date not by what you think of him, but by how you feel about yourself when you’re in his presence!

Pretty simple rules. Pick your own, and stick to them!

From Sarah: The best and fastest way to develop your own relationship rules is to date.  And, specifically – to really take advantage of online dating. I know so many women who’ve given up on online dating because they don’t like the  men who show up, they don’t like answering the emails – it all seems so hard and challenging .  And it doesn’t have to be! Online dating is actually a total breeze!

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