love adviceby Dominique

Here’s a great love advice question from Tiffany:

“My husband went through a patch during our dating relationship where he watched porn, pretty often. After I found out, we¬† talked about it and he stopped…months later he started up again.

Now we are married and living apart, due to jobs, and I found out that he purchased some pornos and has been watching them. Anymore, each time I bring it up he explains he has stopped and those were from before…he’s trying to stop compeltely. And he
isn’t watching porn as often, but how can I believe him.

And furthering, he has yet to really buy us anything sexual for our sex relationship, even after I talked to him about this. Why will he buy porn, but not something for us? Like toys or anything in that nature. This is a constant battle with us, and it is drawing a wedge in our relationship.

What can I do, am I poking this too much? HELP!?

Dominique’s Love Advice:

Hi Tiffany,

Porn watching is not only common in most all men, it’s for the most part normal.

You don’t say how old you both are, and this can make a difference.

Especially younger men have been raised on internet porn.

It’s so readily available, and they start watching it a very young age.

Many learn their sexual how tos in this way, sometimes to the detriment of a relationship.

Some become addicted – which is a growing problem.

But the majority of men are NOT addicted.

If they’ve been single for any length of time, it can become a habit, quite different from an addiction.

A habit can be left alone at any time. An addiction begins to interfere with everything, work, hobbies, family, and relationships.

All men enjoy looking at the naked female form, all of them.

It turns them on. It makes them feel horny.

And a good man in a good relationship will take this turn on to be used for maybe enhanced sex with his beloved.

This same kind of man does not desire any of the women in the images he sees nor does he necessarily fantasize about them. These images act as drops of hormones building up in his system to be brought to you.

When he see these images, it makes him think of sex. But when he thinks of sex, he thinks of you.

Now in your case, I’m not sure if your husband has an addiction or not. He is saying he will stop completely for your benefit, to make you feel better.

A man’s viewing habits may diminish considerably when with a woman he adores and has a great sexual relationship with, but it’s unlikely to go away altogether.

Here’s some specific love advice ideas for you to try – they may completely shift his porn viewing:

Have you tried renting some sexy movies to watch together instead, not porn unless you like porn, but sexy, erotic movies with a real story which engages and which turns you both on?

Have you tried buying a sex toy yourself to be used with him?

How about seducing him? Light some candles and warm yourself up in bed before he comes home from work, or sneak away when you are both home, and then call him in.

Have you tried greeting him at the door stark naked? If he’s into strip teases, you can try this or a lap dance.

Mix things up. Surprise him. You may very well be surprised at his reaction. This may be something he’s wanted and hasn’t known it.

I can assure you that nagging, whining, complaining, poking will not work.

You can try telling him how it makes you feel when you imagine him looking at images of other women, and you don’t want to feel this way. Can he help you with this?

See how he responds.

You also have to decide if you can live with this, love him even if nothing ever changes around this.

The Best Love Advice I Can Give You Around Porn Is This:

The best way to have this fall by the wayside is to truly let it go.

And when it does arise to bother you, tell him what I suggested above.

Tell him you love him and have been working on accepting this in him, but you are having a difficult time at the moment. Can he help?

If this is not a deal breaker, then I would encourage you to try all of the suggestions I’ve outlined here.

I cover this in greater detail in my book as well as so much more about you as a growing, healing woman and about relationships if this interests you. You can find it here.

Please let me know how you are doing.

Love, Dominique xxoo

Let Dominique help you get “into” yourself – in a loving way that will make you feel so much better and shift your “vibe” so that men will be instantly attracted to you. Learn more about Dominique’s amazing book “Sex and Heart” to get the love advice you need to get the love and relationship you want and CAN have! Get Dominique’s free newsletters here->

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