Heart-Breaking Story And Question From Reader:
I was in the 3rd grade when we first met. He was a year older. I first spotted him in the cafeteria at lunch. He was staring at me and he had the most beautiful smile ever. I was so shy as I hid behind my Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox. I experienced butterflies in my stomach for the first time ever. Later that same day, I got that same feeling again as I turned and looked and there he was on my school bus.
We both got off at the same location. I never saw where he went that day as I ran the 2 blocks straight to my house. I saw him every day that week at lunch and on the bus and his smile warmed me all over, even though I was only 9, I knew I loved him. That following week-end after I first saw him, I was visited by a girl named Mary. She told me this boy’s name was John and that his family had just moved here. He lived just down the street from me. She invited me to come down a roller skate with them.
It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. John and I were inseparable. He came to my dance recitals and I went to his little league games. Our moms took us to the roller rink every weekend. We talked on the phone and secretly held hands on the bus. Some nights, he would throw rocks at my bedroom window and I would sneak out and we would lay in the back of my dad’s truck and just look at the stars and talk. We talked about one day being married. Even after all of those nights together, there were things about each other that the other did not know.
I never knew that he came to see me to get away from his alcoholic mother and abusive step-father. He never knew that when I would sneak out of my room to see him, he was like an angel saving me from a life of sexual abuse from my father. Those things never mattered when we were together. Eventually, John went on to middle school and it seemed like we started losing contact with each other. He was still there but it was as though we were starting to make new friends. As high school came, I rarely saw John. He was trying to eventually do what he had to do to move out of town and I just wanted out of my parent’s home. He got his wish and was sent off to a military academy.
I was sad when he left. I thought he was gone forever. I had turned to a more party life in high school. I was failing my classes and was desperately seeking love. I thought I finally found it. John came home to see his family at the beginning of the summer. He came to see me and we sat and talked. I told him of how I wanted at one time to end my life and how unhappy I was. I also told him that I was dating someone. John told me that he loved me. I told him it would never work and that were different people. I told him good-bye and kissed him for the very first time.
I got butterflies in my stomach with that kiss. The week after he left, I found out I was pregnant. My dad informed me I was getting married. Word traveled back to John quickly. He sent me a letter offering to be there and to step up, to do what needed to be done. I never responded. I got married to Kenneth in August 1987. John sent me roses that day with a card that read. “I will love you until the day I die.”
John returned to our town and finished school here that year. I had dropped out per my husbands request. It was that year that John met Cheryl. She was a girl that had been in my class. To look at us, we could have passed as twins. John and Cheryl were married the year after I had my son. I had not seen him since the day we said goodbye. After John and Cheryl’s wedding, they moved away. He was in the Armed Forces. My mom was close friends with Cheryl’s aunt so she kept us posted on their life. They had 4 kids and moved around a lot.
I on the other hand had a more challenging time with life. I had another baby in 1991 and then divorced in 1993. My husband had been not only verbally abusive but physically and sexually abusive towards me. After the divorce, I went through a long state of depression and alcoholism. I had 3 suicide attempts and was hospitalized on 3 occasions. I also played around with a few drugs. I wondered daily how different my life would have been with John or if I would had died, would he have come back home for my funeral. He was all I thought about. I finally cleaned up and went back to college, graduated and remarried in 2001. Unfortunately, I married another alcoholic.
My life had gone into another chaotic state. Then, in 2009, my husband left. He moved and I was going to join him at a later date after some things were tied up here. I was so happy that he was gone. I decided that the marriage was better off over. I wrote my husband an e-mail and sent it. (I dislike confrontations). It was on a Wednesday in June. I told him I was done and that the marriage was over. On Thursday, when I got off work, I stopped at my sister’s house and she was on her computer. She was on face book chatting with John.
My heart stopped. I typed in, “Hello John.” He knew instantly it was me. He said he recognized me anywhere. I got butterflies in my stomach. He gave me his contact information and I rushed home. We chatted on yahoo messenger most of the night. Neither of us talked about our relationship. At the end, he told me, “I will love you until the day I die.” The following evening we talked on the phone.
John had told me that he had searched for me but never been able to keep up with me. He told me that he was still married to Cheryl and that he was retiring from his job and would be moving back home to take a job here the following week. He told me that Cheryl would not be coming until later. When he arrived the following week, we met up. Our connection was instant. We feel in love all over again and we ended up having an affair. I felt awful for what I had I done to Cheryl.