by Rori Raye
There are so many books out there that talk about what to “say” and what to “do” – “playing hard to get,” “having boundaries,” “don’t let him get away with stuff”…and the IDEA of STANDING UP TO A MAN is great –
– but if you “play” at anything – if you PRETEND to feel a way you DON’T actually FEEL – you’re being untruthful to yourself, and then your self-esteem drops down to the bottom and then everything goes downhill with it.
Telling a man how “wrong” he is – even if he’s done something thoughtless and hurtful – is USELESS.
It’s useless to try to “correct” a man’s behavior because:
1. It makes him instantly feel defensive – and as he becomes defensive, he LOSES his ATTRACTION for you.
And when he loses his Attraction for you – he loses his MOTIVATION to work HARD to keep you and the relationship.
He doesn’t see or feel a way of WINNING with you.
He feels like he’s always hurting you or disappointing you – he can never do anything right.
2. Making him “wrong” makes him see YOU as NEEDY!
That’s right – he sees YOU as making him the center of your world.
If your man is good enough for YOU – you can turn your relationship around, and if he’s not, you don’t have to “give up” – you can just “lose interest in him” yourself!
I know it sounds too easy to be true – but this is how it works, and I know because I’ve tried to turn so many men who weren’t good enough for me into husbands and pushed away so many men who may have been good enough for me.
And I also know – because once I figured this out it was like I’d taken a magic pill – that you can both turn things around on a dime, and you can lose interest in a man you were once crazy about on a dime – all without any work or pain at all.