by Virginia Clark
Jealousy will make you crazy.
When you’re in its grip the feeling is almost unbearable. It can make you physically sick and unable to focus on anything else.
Jealousy will compel you to do things and say things you will later regret and you can never take back.
Jealousy can single-handily destroy a good relationship.
If you have a boyfriend or husband that openly flirts with other women or who you know is cheating, you’d have to be made of stone not to feel hurt and betrayed; jealousy is a natural response.
But when jealousy is self-created, unrelated to reality, it acts like a poison that takes over your life and destroys your self-esteem. The jealousy I’m referring to is based in fear, not on fact, a green monster that you create out of your own imagination. B.C. Forbes says it well: Jealousy… is a mental cancer.
For a woman – the fallout from jealousy is when it takes over your actions, and then forces you to make “excuses” for the fallout from what you “do” with your jealousy.
It feels horrible to snoop and spy into phones and laptops to check up on your man – no matter how warranted those actions are – and, truly, in a great relationship, all phones and laptops and everything else should be OPEN to viewing by both partners!.
What even feels worse than snooping and spying is then lying about those actions, keeping them secret. The hidden resentment you feel creates even more problems.
It’s an inner struggle to not “own” those actions and feelings, take responsibility for those actions, and discuss them honestly with a man.
The truth is: Jealousy feels bad.
And if you’re finding yourself constantly jealous, though you don’t really believe your man is being deceitful with you, it’s going to create an unattractive “vibe” in you, and kill the love in a relationship.
Has your jealousy has gone too far?
It has if:
1) You find yourself constantly checking up on your man’s Facebook or Twitter page.
2) You can’t stop yourself from checking his call history and listening to his phone messages behind his back.
3) You constantly call or text him during the day just to find out where he is.
If you said yes to even one of these questions, you are in trouble. When you start messing around in your man’s personal business, you have lost control of your dignity and your pride.
Your relationship now lacks one of the most important qualities it needs to thrive: trust. Even if he gives you a reason to be suspicious, you are still responsible for how you behave in the relationship.
So what can you do to get rid of the jealousy that is sucking the energy and happiness out of your life?
You have to attack jealousy at its root. Jealousy is about how you feel about you more than how your man feels about you. If you find yourself obsessing on his life and what he’s doing, it’s a sure sign you are not paying attention to your own.
If you think your man is more interested in other women than he is in you, it can mean you think they are more worthy of his interest than you are. If you are attracted to your man, you will believe that other women are as well and that can be scary, especially if you doubt your own value.
You will be caught in a downward spiral where it seems every other woman is more attractive and more interesting than you are. By this time you have lost yourself.
So how do you change your irrational feelings of jealousy?
You have to take your eyes off him and start to work on you. It’s important that you face the challenge of taking control of yourself before it destroys your chance for love.
Take positive actions that will increase your feelings of self-love and self-worth. The only way to feel good about you is by doing things that that make you feel proud; that bring you self-respect. That is the exact opposite of what you have been doing. It feels terrible to snoop and sneak into someone else’s life. Negative actions bring with them negative emotions, so you end up feeling guilt, remorse and shame.
Your feelings about your man will always be a reflection of how you feel about you. If you don’t trust yourself, you can’t trust the man in your life. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved.
Pay attention to what you need to do make your life more fulfilling and satisfying and start doing it. You will find your mind now occupied with good thoughts about you and your value as a woman.
You will see things more clearly and invite into your life a new sense of well-being and confidence.
As you begin to trust yourself you will be creating your own sense of emotional security that nothing can shake. Your jealousy will dissipate and you will be able to love from a much deeper and more trusting place.
Maya Angelou said it well: Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.
From Sarah:Virginia is the real deal. Her story of meeting her man late in life and getting married (she’d never been married before) is amazing, and her ebook “It’s Never Too Late To Marry” will give you the hope you need, step-by-step instructions on how to make it happen for yourself, and the inspiration to transform your love life. Go here to check out Virginia and learn how to have the intimacy you want->