by Susie and Otto Collins
Whether you’re single, married, or in a committed relationship…
The fact is–most of us have done our share of flirting (even though we may not have called it that) in our lives.
Flirting can be a good thing for a relationship and yet…
Flirting is one of the biggest challenges for couples today and it’s also one of the biggest reasons so many people don’t trust their partners or spouses (even when everything is so good between the two of them.).
Flirting that’s gone too far is also one of the things we help you solve in our “Relationship Trust Turnaround” program.
When you (or anyone is flirting) even if you don’t recognize your motivation at the time, it’s a way to get some need(s) met.
The Question Becomes–Is Flirting Harmful Or Healthy For The Relationship?
The answer is both…
When one of our newsletter subscribers wrote in to ask us what we thought about flirting, we thought it was a great topic that many people in committed relationships have challenges around, especially when it involves co-workers, friends or people you meet in social situations.
When it comes to flirting…
It’s fun, exciting and we do it all the time in our relationship.
It creates more passion, more love and more desire.
We call this a good thing.
The dictionary defines flirting as “to behave amorously without serious intent” and “to deal lightly.” We define flirting as focusing attention on another person with the intention to get some need of yours met.
In our opinion, in most cases when you flirt, you are sending out “feelers” to find out how receptive the other person is to you and whether this person will and can give you what you are wanting.
Maybe it’s just a smile, laugh, a stroke for your ego, or conversation (it could be sexual stimulation) that you want–whatever it is, we all flirt to get something in return whether we know it or not. It could be that flirting helps you feel alive.
If you are not violating agreements in a committed relationship and not violating any boundaries of the person you are flirting with, it can be healthy and fun. The challenges begin when agreements are violated and/or the flirting becomes unwelcome attention.
So what’s the difference between flirting and just being friendly?
When you are being friendly, the intention may be to connect with the other person on some level without a sexual agenda or without having a strong desire for your personal needs to be met–except for the need for friendship.
When you are flirting, there is an unspoken (or spoken) need of some kind that you are wanting the other person to fill.
We both have flirted with other people when we were single and when we were in our previous marriages.
For her, as Susie looks back on those times, she realizes that she flirted to ultimately get her previous husband’s attention and to feel attractive. There was a lack within…(next page)