I’m Afraid My Strong Emotions Will Scare Him Away

I want to say that I know how scary that place is. 

by Jeffrey Levine

You have really strong feelings, and they sometimes take over.

There’s some great news here: first, you’ve become (painfully) aware that your guy isn’t always receptive to how you express those feelings, and second, you want to do something about it. 

Congratulations. 

So many women come to me wanting to blame their men for not caring about their feelings.

But the fact is, many times, their guy wants to care, but he just can’t “hear” it. 

What do I mean by “he can’t hear it”?

Think about old radios. The ones where you had to turn a dial until you landed right on the station and got good reception. If you were just a little off, there would be static, and it would be hard to hear.

Well, sometimes when you’re expressing yourself to your guy, you’re not on the station, and there’s “static” or “noise.”

In this case the noise are things like:

  • Yelling
  • Blaming
  • Accusing
  • Giving the silent treatment
  • Sarcasm
  • Slamming the door
  • Hanging up
  • Even defending and explaining can be noise
  • And sometimes crying can be noise (although, I think crying is healthy for both men and women)

All of those things I listed can make it very hard for him to hear you. It makes it more difficult for him to understand your feelings. 

And it causes disconnection – right at the time you need a loving connection.

So, how do you improve the reception so he can hear you?

You actually name the feelings that you’re feeling. 

“I feel sad because of that conversation we had earlier.”

“I felt really disappointed when I didn’t get a call from you.”

“Sometimes I feel scared that we’re drifting apart, and I’d really like us to talk about it.”

The idea is to communicate what’s going on for you in a very clear way – without blaming him – and without any noise or static to detract from what you’re saying.

I talk about this in my ebook, “How To Talk To A Man” and go into depth in my “Expansion Pack” because this challenge is at the heart of so many relationship problems.

The truth is, we all get emotional at times. The key is to move through it and learn to communicate with him in a way that gets you heard, and gets your needs met.

Jeffrey Levine is a corporate coach and trained mediator (and Rori Raye’s husband) who works with both men and women to improve their communication, deepen their connection and remove the blocks that keep them from feeling and expressing love. He is the author of “How To Talk To A Man”, which contains invaluable advice, tools and solutions to help you avoid common relationship pitfalls, and clean things up when they go south. “Every moment presents a new choice for you: a decision about what you want – and what you believe you deserve.”

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