If You Want To Find A Good Relationship, Pay Attention To This

If you’ve ever been in a bad relationship, what I’m about to share is going to make total sense.

by Evan Marc Katz

If you ever want to find a good relationship, you should pay close attention.

Amy Alkon is a science writer who did a piece in Psychology Today about John Gottman, the grandfather of couples counseling. I did the same a few years back.

She notes, “A happy relationship is actually made out of dozens of little daily shows of attention to one’s partner—sometimes of the most mundane kind: a grunted yes, the crack of a smile, a nod.”

These are responses to what marriage researchers John Gottman and Janice Driver call “bids for connection.” They are the many small attempts people in relationships make to get their partner’s attention, affection, or emotional support…

You can respond to this “bid” in one of three ways:

Ignore the bid (“turn away”),

Express irritation (“turn against”), or

Reply lovingly (“turn toward”)…

In Gottman and Driver’s research, they observed the interactions of just-married couples and then checked in with them six years later. At the six-year mark, the couples who were still married were those who’d initially “turned toward” each other 86% of the time, on average. The couples who ended up divorced had a 33% turn-toward rate.”

It’s easy to say that this study is akin to a researcher determining that water is wet or that people can be mean on the internet.

But it’s actually a profound insight into what makes relationships work.

It’s not the grand gesture – the romantic dinner, the diamond earrings, the fancy vacation – that ultimately determines the success of your marriage.

It’s the quality of your daily interactions.

If you choose a man who is kind, attentive and affirming, you’re going to have a much happier partnership than if you choose a guy who tells you he loves you but treats you like shit.

datingEvan Marc Katz is a dating coach who specializes in helping smart, strong, successful women understand and connect with men. He has over 24 million blog readers, over 150,000 newsletter subscribers, and thousands of satisfied clients who find his take on relationships to be enlightening, entertaining and empowering. It wasn’t until Katz took his own wisdom that he met his future wife – and became a much better dating coach in the process. By opening up to a new kind of partner, Katz proved that to get different results in love, you have to make different choices. “I had to make fifteen years of dating mistakes before I finally figured out how to have a happy relationship. I believe firmly that the road to success is paved with failure, and since I’d failed so prolifically and ultimately found my own way, I feel uniquely qualified to help others have success in love.” Check out his program “Believe In Love” <=== here!

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