A letter from a reader: I have read about many examples on your blog of successful women who have a hard time with relationships.
My situation is twice as challenging. I’m not successful financially. In fact, quite the opposite. How do I approach men in regard to this? I’ve found that men expect you to be successful. Does that mean I don’t deserve love if I can’t make money? I usually hide this fact when dating but I’m a genuine person and want to be truthful. What should I do?
Great news, Daria!
You don’t actually have a problem.
See, for the most part, men don’t “expect you to be successful.”
Men expect you to be nice. To accept them as they are without trying to change them. To laugh at their jokes. To be able to carry on a good conversation. To appreciate their efforts to please you. To take the time to look attractive and sexy. To make them feel attractive and sexy. To be his soft place to land after a hard day.
Smart, strong, successful women have both the drive and income to invest thousands of dollars in coaching.
But whether you went to an Ivy League school, have an MBA, make over $100,000, have endless ambition – that doesn’t affect most successful men’s choices in women – specifically because they already have their own success. He needs you to offer him what his work DOESN’T offer, not more of what it does – the effort, the grind, the challenge.
He wants a relationship that’s easy; he doesn’t want a sugar mama.
The reason that you read about smart, strong, successful women who have a hard time with relationships on my blog is because I’m a dating coach who specializes in helping smart, strong, successful women understand men and find love.
And the reason I’m a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women is for two specific reasons, neither of which I control:
Smart, strong, successful men rarely reach out for feedback about how to better understand women. It’s almost like they’re not even INTERESTED in being better partners or clueless that it’s even possible.
Smart, strong, successful women have both the drive and income to invest thousands of dollars in coaching. Women eking by, paycheck to paycheck, don’t.
So please don’t sweat it that you aren’t financially successful. Most men don’t prioritize that. You absolutely deserve love and will get it as long as you give men the kind of love that THEY need (hint: it’s not providing for him financially!)
Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach who specializes in helping smart, strong, successful women understand and connect with men. He has over 24 million blog readers, over 150,000 newsletter subscribers, and thousands of satisfied clients who find his take on relationships to be enlightening, entertaining and empowering. It wasn’t until Evan took his own wisdom that he met his future wife – and became a much better dating coach in the process. By opening up to a new kind of partner, Evan proved that to get different results in love, you have to make different choices. “I had to make fifteen years of dating mistakes before I finally figured out how to have a happy relationship. I believe firmly that the road to success is paved with failure, and since I’d failed so prolifically and ultimately found my own way, I feel uniquely qualified to help others have success in love.”