This story is for the married and single mom alike. One restless night, with the weight of the world on my shoulders, and feeling so low I didn’t know I could face another day, I prodded myself into a deep meditation and this became the most powerful things I’ve ever done and initiated a dramatic life change.
There I lay in bed and all of a sudden, I visualize an old witch-like woman pointing her finger at me, and screaming accusations; “You are a waste of life! No, I’m not I yell back , I’m tired, I have a baby, I’m not working and have to use my inheritance to support my family since my husband isn’t working. “Then continue to be powerless and stay unhappy and show your soon to be born son what a loser you are,” the witchy woman retorts.
That was it! No way would I let my son down. I reached deep into my soul, found my power and then it happened, I transformed into a kick-butt hero, Lara Croft, Ellen Ripley from Aliens and Xena Warrior Princess all wrapped into one. The power and courage soared within me and my witchy woman “friend” saw my power and said; “There you are, I knew you’d find yourself. We’ve got work to do. Stay strong, know that I will be with you. Make those changes NOW!”
Deciding to Become a Single Mom
Whew! What a visualization. It left me exhausted, exhilarated, scared and mad at myself for letting a man take away all of my power. The sun rose, I fed my son, and the time had come to change my life. I looked at myself in the mirror and said out loud – You can do this! The time is now, no more believing him when he tells me I’m crazy, no more paying his way. No more putting up with his manipulations, threats, pushing me, then calling the cops to say I attacked him. And NO MORE shrinking from my power, feeling like a victim and letting my son down. I was pregnant and my son deserved a Mother who shined, was filled with joy and grace and radiated beauty and power. Even if this meant a single mom.
What the heck was wrong with me, why had I stayed so long? Why did I let someone else take my power away from me? I was dealing with all of these emotions, with the idea of becoming a single mom, and then…my Mom died.
• • •
My Mom died of cancer after a year-long, painful battle. I held her every day and tried my best to take her pain. We had amazing conversations, shared many things with each other that we hadn’t dared to talk about before and even talked about dying and what would happen to her and the family when the inevitable day arrived.
Packing up was wild. She had little white mints in nearly all her pockets, and in a Rice Krispies box she had kept every letter and card I’d ever sent her. She had more sex toys than I’m comfortable mentioning. (Go, Mom!) Oh, and I was pregnant.
It had happened at the wedding, before the funeral.