First, you need to
Identify the Troubles in Your Marriage
Some common troubles include:
Child rearing difficulties
Lack of sex
Lack of communication
Loss of identity
There are, of course, many others. You may discover that there is one main problem or you may identify several smaller problems that are eating away at your marriage.
When you identify the problem or problems that are at the root of your marriage troubles, you’ll be able to move on to the next step which is
Close, Personal Interaction In Your Marriage
In this step, you’ll need to be open to extensive conversation. Even hard, challenging, difficult – unpleasant conversation.
If you haven’t had a lot of “open communication” during your marriage, you may want to consider counseling in order to facilitate the personal interaction that is key to this step. But it’s amazing what an incredible difference you can make – all on your own – by just trying it out.
If you really want to save your marriage, you’ll set aside time to work on your marriage issues every single day. And that means working slowly, carefully, respectufully, and as lovingly as you can through speaking the truth of your feelings to each other.
Talking and LISTENING to each other’s concerns – even if you don’t want to or don’t think his concerns are “fair.”
And if he doesn’t want to listen to YOU – just starting out slowly – rebuilding trust and intimacy by listening to HIM can get you so much farther than you might imagine.
- Sit together after the children go to bed or take a walk after dinner every day for just the two of you.
- You need to plan the time to get back in touch with each other. A daily habit of quality time is very important.
- Take some “romantic time” each week – even if it’s just doing some household chores together. Try going somewhere and DOING something together (just going out to dinner can be totally boring and end up just being another household discussion).
For some couples, this means reinstating a “date night” every week. On Tuesdays, for instance, you get a sitter and go out for a picnic or walk around the mall. As you can see, this doesn’t have to involve wine and roses every week, but a romantic time that you can look forward to all week is essential.
As you spend time together being romantic and discussing your problems, you must have an open mind toward what your man is telling you.
You need to understand that the problems in your marriage are caused by – get this – both of you!
IMPORTANT – this is not about you blaming yourself for ANYTHING! – we don’t want you to do that –we just want you to “get” how much actual POWER you have to save your marriage – all on your own.
As a woman – you have intense power over how your man feels – and if you can just simply change a few things that may have become habits in your relationship – you’ll see a whole new marriage emerge.
And the first step is to LISTEN to him. Even if what he says angers you. Even if it seems unfair. Even if it seems “wrong.”
Here’s why: Bottom line – it doesn’t matter who’s right and who’s wrong. There isn’t even any right or wrong where feelings are concerned! They’re just feelings, and we all have them.
Chances are he feels some of the same things YOU do!
Like loneliness. Frustration. No motivation to go the “extra mile” for you…
Until you really listen to your husband, you are not going to be able to effect the kind of personal change necessary to save your marriage.
Marriage Requires Faith
You need to have faith in your partner. You need to give him or her the benefit of the doubt. You need to believe that the marriage still can and will work. You also need to believe that your partner is still essentially the same person he or she was when you married them. If you cannot have faith in your partner and in your marriage, you might as well give up now.
Finally, you have to be open to forgiveness. If your partner has made mistakes – even major ones – you must be able to forgive. If you insist that there are things that cannot be forgiven, there is no hope for your marriage.
Everyone makes mistakes. Some people make big mistakes. If that person makes a genuine apology – which includes acts of contrition and an effort to change – they deserve forgiveness.
I hope this article will help you form a strategy to save your marriage, and give you some new ideas on how to approach a new, more honest communication between you.