by Rori Raye
Here’s a letter from a client in my group-coaching teleclass – with a great, specific question:
“Rori, I need your help! I booked a speed dating thing for tomorrow night!
I’m totally scared. I have been petrified of using feeling words in public and have been trying…. but I’ve actually been avoiding eye contact with men. I’ve been trying… but have been so scared.
I’m feeling things on so many levels right now… my body is shaking a bit, I feel a heaviness in my chest, and I feel like I won’t know what to talk about with these guys tomorrow…
What should I do to prep for tomorrow? Work on feeling statements scripts? Is there some quick way to prep for this?”
Here’s My Answer About Speed Dating:
1. You can’t screw up – Speed Dating is only practice!
2. Your only job here is to:
Dress up cute – wear soft colors and makeup, do your nails, show up like a girl, and make a deal with yourself to make the evening ABOUT practice. Specifically about:
Looking a man in the eye, Being Present, Listening at Level 2 and Level 3, Leaning Back… (Look in the “glossary of terms” if you don’t yet have my book)
And most important – staying out of your head as much as possible.
3. Prepare by writing down answers to basic questions in Feeling Messages…
…Questions about: what you do for a living…what you do for fun…what food you like….what your dreams are….stuff you can talk about with feeling and passion and fun….
…answers you can SHARE instead of “tell”!!!
This might help you prepare, too, before you walk in the door to the Speed Dating “experience”:
4. Imagine – “What’s the worst that can happen?”
And REALLY imagine it – in detail.
See if you can track your body- follow all the sensations and tensions going around in it – so that you allow yourself to “settle into” and “sink into” whatever feelings come up.
Let your arms hang easily off your shoulders so they relax down, breathe into your belly, unclench your butt muscles….
5. Now – Imagine the BEST-feeling experience there you can come up with…
Track your body in the same way…
The idea here is to find a place of “peacefulness” around ANY possible “outcome” so you can get a bit used to how your inner “systems” might react and just feel more prepared.
The truth is: You’ll live! You’ll flourish!
Expect to feel “rattled” – hey – it might even be “rattled in a good way.”
Expect to feel “off.” And perhaps “off” just means “different.”
You can make this up any way you want.
You can prepare yourself for anything, instead of subconsciously preparing yourself for what your subconscious usually expects.
Circular Dating and showing up in the world to “practice” feels all KINDS of ways. Old stuff comes up, your beliefs are challenged, it’s THE UNKNOWN…
It’s like being a baby and standing up and walking for the first time.
6. Then: Go home and write about the experience!
No dates need to come of it. No decent “matches.” No “great connections.”
Not even the experience of a “decent man in the room.”
I’m so proud of you for doing this! BRAVA!
Now just go out there and be AWARE of what’s going on with you….forget about “connecting” with anyone – just focus on being YOU and being present…and that’s what you can do to “prep.”
From Sarah: Rori’s advice is like no other (as you can tell from this article). She has Tools that will change how you feel about yourself on the inside and completely change how a man SEES you on the outside. Totally revolutionary. And FUN, too! Just go here to get her free newsletters->