by Kate Dixon
In a society where we’re constantly bombarded by thoughts of sex and overwhelmed by images of sex – it might seem impossible to be happy in a sexless marriage.
The truth is – sex is just about sex. It’s not limited to being an expression of love and desire – it’s a symbol.
It’s another way pressure get’s applied to things we used to think of as “natural.”
Sex moves past the “personal,” and becomes a symbol of youth, vigor, passion and personal achievement.
If you strip sex of all these “extras” – then it is simply a means of ensuring emotional and physical intimacy in a close relationship or marriage.
It becomes about emotional bonding, and an expression of love and commitment and closeness.
The shocking thing is that research suggests approximately 1 in 20 couples in their 30s are celibate – and way more are in what’s called a “sexless marriage” where there’s less than 10 sexual encounters in a year.
Almost all of these couples stay together – and many actually live contentedly and are apparently happy to be the way they are.
So, What Is The Secret To Keeping Happy In A Sexless Marriage?
First of all, understand that the lack of sex is not going to kill you. Sex is not a physical necessity. A celibate relationship can be a happy one, though it needs more work than a normal relationship.
The biggest issue in a sexless marriage is that of agreement.
When both partners agree, for whatever reasons, that they feel content with the lack of sex in their marriage, it is possible to live happily in a sexless marriage.
Problems arise when there’s a mismatch in the sex drive of both partners.
At such a time, one partner may feel stressed by the pressure to perform while the other partner feels hurt by the lack of intimacy.
To be happy in a sexless marriage, it’s necessary to get rid of these discordant notes.
The secret is to accept the lack of sex as a reality.
If your partner is incapable of giving ‘it’ to you and you feel that the relationship is richly rewarding in every other way, then you have to work at accepting what you have. It is human nature that when something is denied us, we begin to obsess about it. Stop obsessing; get out, find new interests to occupy your thoughts.
For a celibate relationship to work, both partners have to decide on how they will establish physical intimacy, and when they need to draw the line. For instance, are you still allowed to kiss her goodnight or does this make her feel uncomfortable? You have to be pre-decided on what you would do as a couple, if one of you feels the need for sexual gratification.
At the bottom of all the controversy and the seemingly shocking statistics related to sexless marriages is the simple fact that many long-term relationships ultimately become sexless, without the relationship rupturing.
However, coping in a sexless marriage does not mean that you cannot fix the situation and get the sex back into your relationship. In fact, many couples are doing it today.
From Sarah – Oh, this sounds AWFUL! As I read this article – I thought – why would I want to stay in a sexless marriage? And then I realized that the whole point of Kate talking about this is because she can FIX it! I KNOW this is fixable…it’s about WAY more than sex, or any one thing…so, if you’re not getting the sex you want in your relationship – READ Kate’s book “Get Him In The Mood” right here and fix your sexless marriage–>>