Is your man like most men, not all that great at opening up about how he feels?
Does he get moody, withdrawn, and he won’t tell you what’s wrong even if you ask? How can you help your man communicate with you?
I always took my man’s silence SO personally. I always thought it was me, something I said or didn’t say, something I did or didn’t say. I found out that not only was this rarely the case, I also discovered a way to encourage him to open up to me, at least some if not a lot of the time.
The first thing you must know and keep very close to your heart at all times is that almost inevitably, when your man doesn’t feel very present to you, very often it has NOTHING to do with you. It’s usually his work getting to him, or maybe it’s the state of the world pulling on him, or he’s just tired, or maybe he doesn’t feel well.
Learn how to communicate with your guy so he can finally hear you! It’s all here in “How To Talk To A Man.”
Does your man communicate at all?
The next thing you must know is that men, your man, will for the most part keep things, his troubles close to his chest
Men have emotions, BUT he may not show them readily. Unless you know him very well or are extremely sensitive and sensitive to him, you may not even notice at all. You may notice that something feels not quite right. He may seem not quite his usual self in some way.
And very, very often, as long as it’s not a terribly serious thing, it will just as quickly be gone.
Naturally there are some men who push anything to do with feelings away, ignore them just as many women do, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.
For those men who do acknowledge their feelings somewhere inside, it seems to be a much more internal working thing in that it’s not shared with others.
They won’t tend to reveal their deeper inner thoughts or their feelings, it’s just not how a man communicates.
They also won’t tend to let things eat at them. An example of this might look like this in their brains, “this hurts; this will pass”, and then it does.
Most men will not open up and say what’s going on, as we women SO love to so. They don’t feel that burning need most of us women do. AND they don’t usually turn these things over and over, upside down and inside as we do.
It may be hard wiring. It may be societal conditioning. It may be a bit of both. Regardless he will for the most part not talk when things are bothering him.
So what does your man do when he has a problem or maybe an issue with you or with the relationship? Does your man communicate or shut down?
He will likely become quieter, withdrawn even. If it’s a bigger thing or he tends towards moodiness, he may very well go “into his cave” for sometimes an extended period of time. And he will come out when he’s ready.
He will NOT likely expose himself and his feelings as I’ve said. But you will know something’s up, especially if you’ve been together for awhile and know each other very well.
So what can you do to make your man communicate?
Your man will come to you and “share” only when he feels safe. Safe with you. And he will feel safe with you whenever it is he feels safe. This cannot be forced or rushed.
Are you tearing your hair out in frustration yet? Please don’t, for there are ways to encourage feelings of safety in your man.
YOU create that safety by:
- Allowing him to be who he is.
- Accepting him warts and all.
- Being okay with whatever he does or does not do as long as he’s not hurting you and if he does, you would tell him simply how whatever he is doing is feels, and you don’t want to feel that way. And that would be all you say. From here you can negotiate.
- Feeling good within yourself, FEELING LOVE FOR YOURSELF, doing things that make YOU HAPPY, by taking care of YOU.
- And you have to share your feelings first in clean “I feel ….” Statements, no elaboration.
The feelings of safety will happen or they won’t, but without these elements, they will never come to be. And being anxious about it will only interfere.
If you’d like to learn the tips, strategies and scripts to being able to get him to open up, as well as show you how to communicate your needs and desires in a way he will want to listen, download “How To Talk To A Man.” It contains invaluable advice, tools and solutions to help you avoid common relationship pitfalls, and clean things up when they go south.