by Michael Fiore
So, today, we’ve got a guy who likes her but is afraid to “get serious” because he doesn’t want to get hurt.
The question is: He’s not over his ex – how can I convince him to let go?
“I’ve been ‘just friends’ with this guy since April. We were going to go on a date before he found out he’d been offered two jobs in Virginia. Circumstances (to him, fate to me) made it so he wasn’t able to end up moving across the country. So now we’re still sitting here ‘just friends’.
We’ve kissed, made out even, but only when he’s been drinking and able to let his walls down. The last time that happened, he also finally admitted to liking me.
His ‘problem’ is that he’s still not over his ex-wife. Who he saved from an arranged marriage, got her U.S. citizenship, was her first sexual partner and basically gave his whole heart to.
She ended up cheating on him and falling in love with her affair. I don’t know what to do.”
So, Let’s Get Serious
Thanks for your question.
What you’re dealing with here is a “Wounded Bear”… A guy who is heartbroken, depressed and desperately afraid of loving anybody else because he doesn’t want to get hurt again. (Because yes, guys do in fact have emotions despite what some of the women on my Facebook wall seem to think.)
I talk about this in “The Secret Survey” as well as some of my other programs, but it’s important to remember that “extreme” emotions are both harder for guys to get into and harder for guys to get out of than they are for women.
That means guys don’t get “emotional” as often as women do, but when we DO get sad, or mad or ecstatic or hurt, it tends to last quite a bit longer.
Anyway, enough about him. Let’s talk about you.
Because you’re in an incredible danger zone right now and you don’t even know it.
Because if you keep “being his friend” and nursemaiding him back to emotional health, he’s not going to get serious, and you’re going to get very, very hurt.
Right now, this guy is in a place of emotional devastation. He’s licking his wounds, wondering what went wrong, and feeling sorry for himself.
And you’re sitting there with a smiling face and open arms trying as hard as you can to drag him back up the hill to being the man you want him to be.
Make Him Do the Work to Get Serious
Like I say in “Make Him Beg” and my other stuff, for a guy to truly be happy in a relationship, he has to feel like he’s EARNED a woman. Which means you can’t just put yourself on a silver platter for him. And it means you can’t wait around for him to wake up to how wonderful you are.
(I’ve seen this kind of situation a LOT in the past, and oftentimes when the guy DOES come out of his funk he looks right past the woman who was there for him and starts dating somebody else who he has less “history” with. Sucks, huh?)
So Here Are Your Options:
1. If you can stand to just be his friend, be his friend.
But realize that being his friend is most likely going to preclude you EVER having any kind of serious romantic relationship – aside from the occasional make-out session after he’s been drinking.
2. If you want MORE from this guy, you’ve got to walk away.
Stop being there for him. Start dating other guys.
Give him the bait to stand up and come after you and be willing to walk away if he doesn’t do it.
Michael’s got so many ideas about how to get your man hot for and committed to you! And he’s perfected the art of texting as a relationship communication tool. For an incredible assortment of full texting scripts and great romantic texting ideas to try with a man, you’ll really want to check Michael out (I immediately downloaded Text The Romance Back and loved it so much – that’s why I’m recommending it here…) Go here to discover how you can use texting to instantly create way more romance with a man and get serious->