How To Have A Difficult Conversation With Him

From a man’s point of view, every conversation about the relationship has the potential to be a thunderstorm.

by Jeffrey Levine

The weather’s beautiful one moment, and then the next he’s running from a downpour.

To prepare for and avoid this, your mission is to create an umbrella – I call it the Security Umbrella.

Under it, you’re both safe, despite what’s happening around you.

And I emphasize, YOU have to create this umbrella for him to join you under.

He won’t create it because he doesn’t know he needs it.

I talk about this in depth in my book, “How To Talk To A Man.”  <=== Click Here to check it out!

One of the methods I explain how to do is to address his fear head on – by clearly stating what you are NOT saying,and then what you ARE saying.

I suggest you do this in a couple of ways.

  1. Stating what his fears could be up front and making sure he understands that isn’t what you want. The reason you do this is to signal to him that you know what he’s feeling and you care about it.
  2. Stating clearly what you do want. (Always start by asking permission, to ensure this is a good time to have this conversation.)

Here’s an example:

The two of you have been dating for 4 months and have fallen into a routine. You see each other every Saturday night. However, the last couple of weeks, he hasn’t called you until Saturday morning. And when he does, he says something like “So what do you want to do tonight?”

You really like seeing him, and yet you want him to make an effort to create a date night for the two of you. 

What do you say?

As I’ve suggested already, always start with some kind of permission:

“I’ve got something on my mind I need to share with you, is this a good time?”

He asks “What’s it about?”

“I don’t want you to think that I don’t absolutely love our Saturday nights together. This has been a wonderful 4 months. And what I would really like is for you to call me, earlier in the week, to ask me out for Saturday. It feels more romantic to me that way? Is that alright?”

That is the Security Umbrella in action:

  • You start by reassuring him that you really enjoy your time together.
  • You avoid implying that he’s failing in some way.
  • You’re asking for what you want, without accusing him of “taking you for granted” or “getting lazy”, etc.

This helps you create a conversation where he can more easily hear, from you, what’s important to you.

This is one of the many techniques, strategies and tips I provide in “How To Talk To A Man”, so that he’ll finally hear you.

Jeffrey Levine is a corporate coach and trained mediator (and Rori Raye’s husband) who works with both men and women to improve their communication, deepen their connection and remove the blocks that keep them from feeling and expressing love. He is the author of “How To Talk To A Man”, which contains invaluable advice, tools and solutions to help you avoid common relationship pitfalls, and clean things up when they go south. “Every moment presents a new choice for you: a decision about what you want – and what you believe you deserve.”

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