Have you been hurt and/or betrayed by someone who “shouldn’t” have hurt you, like your parents or an authority figure, and now you have a hard time being able to trust as an adult?
Do you want to trust your man, but you feel suspicious nonetheless?
And do you find yourself checking up on him? His e-mail? His cellphone? Or you spin scenarios in your head, even he’s only five minutes late, such as he must be with another woman?
I’ve been there. I may have known I was being irrational, yet there I would be checking his internet search history, or I would fret endlessly if he was late and didn’t call, or for just because I couldn’t stop myself.
And I had absolutely NO reason to feel or act in this way.
Maybe your man has always been honest and true, yet part of you is sure he’s up to something no good. It’s happened before; look what your parents did after all. Or maybe there were previous boyfriends who hurt you. And now you have carried this forward into the present.
What Happens When You Don’t Trust Your Partner:
Your mistrust emits energy that your partner can feel though he’s likely unaware, but this WILL eventually push him away or worse, you will be realize your worst fear, betrayal.
You put out something out which you got back, for the universe tends to work in this way, as in law of attraction.
I’m not saying it’s easy giving a man your trust.
And yes he does have to earn it. But if your man repeatedly and unwaveringly behaves honorably, then you must keep working on this.
A complete opening of yourself, mind, heart, soul, and of course body to the most intimate penetration, all the while sinking so deeply, relaxing into yourself so profoundly that your deepest feelings are touched can be terrifying.
Old habits, especially when in connection with your survival and allowing trust are difficult to break.
Steps to Build Trust
- The first thing to do is recognize that you are being triggered.
- Whatever it is that feels like a past betrayal, tell yourself that it’s not. It may feel the same, but it isn’t.
- Tell yourself that this is your old stuff which has nothing to do with NOW. It’s fear. And it’s unfounded.
- Breathe. Meditate. Do whatever it takes to calm yourself.
Most of us are wary and rightfully so, especially in the beginning of a relationship, but as time passes, and there is nothing to indicate anything untoward, then you must let TRUST in.
- Talk to yourself constantly in reassurance, especially when you feel scared.
- Keep telling yourself this man is all he says he is because he shows you all the time. He shows up for you. He shows up for you both. He shows you love and care.
With patience, bit by bit, the walls will crumble into dust, and the curtains that remain will draw back more readily the safer you feel and the more trust you invite in, for him AND for you.
The more you are able to trust yourself, the more you will be able to sink into trust and thus trust others.
The more work I did on ME and the more authentic I became, the more my man felt safe, to be open, to share, to love, to reassure, and to TRUST, ME and HIMSELF.
I still waver inside myself sometimes for whatever reason, and so may you. No matter what he’s doing or not doing, know he’s not doing “bad” things. He’s not betraying you. He’s not betraying your trust.
Dominique is an amazing coach – she’ll help you open your heart and use your body in an emotional way that will bring any man to closer to your newly opened heart. Go check out her “Sex and Heart” book here – it will help you incredibly to learn to trust a man, and even more importantly – to trust yourself for love->