If you want to get him back…you don’t want to play games, but you have to change whatever it was you were doing (because that didn’t work). Here are some ideas that work and don’t work…and can help you see what to try first:
Get Him Back With The Aggressive Approach:
It’s a fact that the aggressive approach is probably the one that most people are tempted to try right off the bat. When you’re thinking about how to get him back, chances are that you’ve had thoughts of bursting into his home and either arguing with him or begging him to come back to you. This is one aggressive approach, but, as you may have discovered, it’s not one that usually works.
However, there is an aggressive approach that can work; and it involves meeting your ex a lot at different social gatherings. You’re going to need to act confident around him and make it look as though you can “take him or leave him.” Be nice and courteous, but also make sure that he’s well aware of the fact that you’re talking to him just because he’s there – not because you’re hung up on him.
And in order for that to work – you have to be either a majorly magnificent actress – or you have to work hard at NOT being hung up on him. And you can DO it!
If executed correctly, the aggressive approach can bring a lot back for you, but it can also backfire immensely if you overdo it. It is the big risk for big reward scenario in this particular game.
Get Him Back With The Conservative Approach:
Honestly, the conservative approach is the one that the fewest people think of naturally. This one has the lowest chance of success, but it also has the lowest chance of backfiring. That means that with the conservative approach, you still have a very good chance at remaining friends for life with your ex even if you don’t get him back. If friendship feels good to you, and getting him back is of secondary importance to you, this is a method you might want to try out.
Your conservative approach essentially involves allowing things to happen organically. If you see him at parties – you see him at parties. If you don’t, it’s also no big deal. When you do talk to him, you need to be honest about your feelings, but not to the point where you scare him away.
Just mention that you think about him still and that you still feel a connection with him. Less is more in this case.
Think conservatively in all areas and you’ll have a good idea of this approach. It will eventually place the ball in his court and that, in the end, is why it’s the most successful; if you combine getting him back and keeping him as a friend as two successful outcomes.
This way you can be so much more genuine. You’ll actually care about him as a person – and not just about “getting him.” You’ll be able to be more relaxed and casual around him….and yet – we know this is hard if you really do have strong feelings for him.
So – how do you get yourself to feel “casual” around a man you don’t feel “casual” about at all?
The number one cure for this situation is to date other men – but NOT to make him jealous. The dating is only to expand your belief that there are plenty of good men out there, and to give yourself the feeling that you have lots of options – which you truly do!
Get Him Back With The Middle of The Road Approach
As should be obvious, learning how to get him back does have a middle-of-the-road option. In this option, you start conservatively to give your ex time to get over the feelings that ended the relationship in the first place. If you can balance yourself so that you feel casual and relaxed around him, any negative feelings he may once have had about having a relationship with you will fade. He’ll start to experience more of the feelings that made him want you in the first place. And as that happens, you can gradually ramp up your strategy to become a bit more “aggressive.” If you push too hard, though, you risk losing him as a friend.
On the other hand – we here at LoveRomanceRelationship don’t think being “friends” with a man you feel romantic about is good for you. We think it gets in your way of having the relationship and love you truly want – and it gives the guy an easy way to be around you and take advantage of how great a woman you are, and how great it feels to be around you – WITHOUT any strings attached!
And you WANT strings! There are strings attached, and they’re supposed to be! Friendship is great when you feel like being just friends. But pretending to be okay being around a man you feel strongly for is painful – and will hold you back.
Instead of going for BEING friends – just treat him as if he IS a friend whenever you run into him. If you travel in the same crowd and go to the same places – you can imagine him as just a friend without having to “hang around him” as though you ARE.
And don’t try acting like you “don’t care,” either. That’s just way too much pretending. Instead, if you can project that you care for him, have feelings for him, but have accepted the fact that things didn’t work out and have moved on – THAT’S when you’ll rekindle his interest again!
From Sarah: We waded through a whole bunch of “Get Him Back” books and decided on this one for you: Michael Webb’s Getting Him Back. Webb’s the only person with real credentials and a track record of helping women that we found (he’s been on Oprah so many times that he’s been called her “love expert”), and his book is very, very helpful to help you decide if you WANT him back, and get into action to get him back.