your manby Dominique

If you’re struggling to get him to open up to you emotionally – does he get moody, withdrawn, and he won’t tell you what’s wrong even if you ask?

I always took my man’s silence SO personally. I always thought it was me, something I said or didn’t say, something I did or didn’t say. I found out that not only was this rarely the case, I also discovered a way to encourage him to open up to me, at least some if not a lot of the time.

The first thing you must know and keep very close to your heart at all times is that almost inevitably, when your man doesn’t feel very present to you, very often it has NOTHING to do with you. It’s usually his work getting to him, or maybe it’s the state of the world pulling on him, or he’s just tired, or maybe he doesn’t feel well. And the last thing on earth he wants is to feel you trying to get him to open up. He WANTS to stay curled in a little ball with his emotional shell tight around him.

The next thing you must know is that men, your man, will for the most part keep things – his troubles – close to his chest.

To Get Him To Open Up To You – Understand How His Emotions Work

Men have emotions as anyone, BUT he may not show them readily. Unless you know him very well or are extremely sensitive and sensitive to him, you may not even notice at all. You may notice that something feels not quite right. He may seem not quite his usual self in some way.

And very, very often, as long as it’s not a terribly serious thing, it will just as quickly be gone.

Naturally there are some men who push anything to do with feelings away, ignore them just as many women do, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.

For those men who do acknowledge their feelings somewhere inside, it seems to be a much more internal working thing in that it’s not shared with others. They won’t tend to reveal their deeper inner thoughts or their feelings.

They also won’t tend to let things eat at them. An example of this might look like this in their brains, “this hurts; this will pass”, and then it does.

Most men will not open up and say what’s going on, as we women SO love to so. They don’t feel that burning need most of us women do. AND they don’t usually turn these things over and over, upside down and inside as we do.

It may be hard wiring. It may be societal conditioning. It may be a bit of both. Regardless he will for the most part not talk when things are bothering him.

So what does your man do when he has a problem or maybe an issue with you or with the relationship?

He will likely become quieter, withdrawn even. If it’s a bigger thing or he tends towards moodiness, he may very well go “into his cave” for sometimes an extended period of time. And he will come out when he’s ready.

He will NOT likely expose himself and his feelings as I’ve said. But you will know something’s up, especially if you’ve been together for awhile and know each other very well.

So what can you do? How DO you get your man to open up to you?

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2 Comments

  1. CARA on October 5, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    I completely agree with this article because most men keep their feelings inside for fear of their wife thinking they aren’t capable of taking care of the family. I have consistently followed the man rules of opening up and it works great and did so for 10 years. The reason my marriage is failing is because his actions are hurting me and our children. As I said, this article is very helpful for women who don’t understand why their husband won’t open up to them, as usually it is stress or just a small worry, however, in some instances like mine, I am to the point where I don’t want him to open up because I don’t care what he has to say anymore. Too many broken promises and no action. Excellent article :)



  2. leah on October 6, 2010 at 11:25 am

    as far as the article is concerned, i strongly agree that men really aren’t as expressive as women do…but its actually us, women, who can let them or make them express it…so yeah, the suggestions in there which is about letting them be themselves is the most effective for me…It always works…that’s what i always do, so they can freely speak their mind w/ all honesty…and it follows that when u say something to them esp about ur deepest thoughts, they’d also follow what u just did…



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