by Alexandra Fox
>> NOTE: Do you suspect your boyfriend is a cheater? Do you still find yourself clinging to him, even if you’ve found evidence that he’s been unfaithful? Sadly, some men DO cheat in relationships. Should you leave him, or should you stay the course?
Today, we’ll be talking about cheating boyfriends. I wish it weren’t the case, but it seems there are a lot of them going around these days, judging from the number of e-mails I’ve been getting from you guys!
Dealing with cheaters can be terribly complicated — they can be the world’s greatest liars, but we often find ourselves wanting to give them second chances.
It’s crazy! But it’s the reality for many, many girlfriends around the world today. One of those girlfriends, Joanna from India, writes to us about HER reality with a two-timing boyfriend.
Here’s Joanna’s e-mail:
It’s so good to go through your mails daily. I am Joanna from India. I need some advice from you. Please do reply as I am very confused and sad.
I have a boyfriend, Thomas, and we’ve been going steady for 4 years. We stay in different towns. We meet once or twice a month, and sometimes we spend week-long vacations together. Mostly we keep contact through phone.
Everything was okay for most of the past 4 years, but starting this year, he has changed a lot — as if he weren’t that interested in me anymore. He is always busy with friends.
During the New Year, I rang him to give my greetings, but a lady picked up the phone — her name was Shophia, and she told me that Thomas was HER boyfriend! I was shocked and hurt. I cried the whole night as I had no one to turn to that night.
The next morning Thomas rang me, and he said there was nothing like what I was thinking — that I was still his girlfriend and no one else. I just forgave him then and there because I love him a lot.
These days, he is still always busy with his friends. I ask him sometimes whether he is truthful to me, and whether he would marry me eventually. He always gives the same answer — yes, he will.
A few months ago, he came to my place and had dinner with my family. Later that day I took a peek into his mobile phone, and I happened to see some “I love you” messages sent by someone. To make matters worse, he also sent “I love you too” messages back to that number!
I secretly saved that number in my phone, and later asked Thomas who it was. He told me it was just a friend, and that there was nothing going on between them. I still got sad, so he told me that he would not message or contact her anymore. I’m so confused whether he is telling the truth or not.
After he left, I just rang the number and asked: “Is this Shophia?”
The answer I got shocked me — “Yes, this is Shophia.”
I said nothing more and ended the call. In my mind, I tried to convince myself that my committed boyfriend would never cheat or use me. So I rang Thomas and told him what I did. He got angry with me, but later told me that he did not have anything to do with that Shophia woman. He told me he wouldn’t contact her again, but also told me never to contact her again, either.
Alex! I am so sad. Here I am, being so truthful to my boyfriend Thomas. Please tell me what I should do so that he too would be honest to me. If I don’t hear from him, even for a day, I feel discouraged and sad. Sometime I cry a lot at night, although I’ve never told anyone but you about this. Please give me some points to make him will always love me.
Thanks for writing, Joanna! And I’m sorry to hear about your situation. The first thing I want to say is this — “A pig in a suit is still a pig.”
I’ve seen many relationships like yours, Joanna. In your case, I’m pretty sure Thomas DOES have something going on with that Shophia woman. You don’t say “I love you” and “I love you too” with an ordinary friend.
But you know what? I have a feeling that Shophia doesn’t know that Thomas has you, either!
It’s a tactic I’ve seen many cheating boyfriends use — having more than one committed girlfriend in different towns, and keeping both girlfriends from ever knowing about each other.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Thomas had ANOTHER girlfriend — one that both you and Shophia don’t know about!
But I’ll get straight to my advice. At this point, Joanna, you have two choices. The first one is the most obvious one — to leave him.
I know for a fact that if a man cheats once, he WILL cheat again. And there’s very little you can do to actually make him stop cheating and commit to ONLY you. So it’s often best to end the relationship, leave him to his unfaithful ways, and recover as best you could.
But I know how hard it can be to let go of someone you’ve loved for the past four years. That’s why I have a second choice for you!
How To Turn Cheating Boyfriends Around
Yes, it IS possible to turn even cheating boyfriends around!
Some women might say that it’s NOT possible. But it’s probably because they’re doing it wrong. (Most of us do, by the way!)
Most of us beg, plead, argue, nag, or otherwise try to convince our men to stop being unfaithful. But you know what? This approach is WAY too direct. And DIRECTLY trying to change a man’s habits actually does the opposite.
Here’s a concept I’d like to introduce — about creating a “void” in a man’s life.
Ever heard the phrase, “The universe hates a vacuum?” It’s true in relationships, too. Instead of vainly trying to pull a man into your life, you create a “vacuum” for him to fill in.
A simple way of doing this is simply dropping communication for a while. When you’re not getting in touch as often, he’s going to feel the “void” (the lack of communication) — and he’ll feel compelled to FILL that void, perhaps by giving you an unexpected “I miss you” call!
Another way is by taking the focus off of him for a while, and focusing on YOURSELF. You can take up a new hobby, learn a new useful skill, or touch base with old friends. When he feels the “void” (your lack of attention), he’s going to FILL that void by asking for your presence!
It’s a very simple, very basic tactic. But the smartest, happiest, most successful girlfriends out there know that it’s one of the most powerful tactics in dating you could ever learn.
By the way, of course, there are even more EFFECTIVE tactics you can use! And I’ve outlined them all in my special program, the 77 Secrets To Save Your Relationship.
I’ve crammed years of study and experience into this special program. I’ve written down every single tactic that successful couples have used to save their relationships — even when the man has been a chronic cheater like Thomas for several years!
Want to know more? Then click on the link below for more information on the 77 Secrets To Save Your Relationship!
From LoveRomanceRelationship: Alexandra is the author of the well-loved book “77 Secrets to Make Him Love You” among others. Visit her webpage to find out about her book and learn from more of her fabulous advice about avoiding love mistakes–>>