The truth is that falling in love is easy; staying in love takes a bit more work.

It’s not impossible; it’s just not quite effortless.

by Mort Fertel

One of the most common reasons for a couple to seek marital counseling is to figure out how to cure a sexless marriage.

Hopefully, you’ve already eliminated any underlying medical conditions that may be keeping you from enjoying a healthy sex life. If none exist, there are a number of other reasons that sex may be missing from your relationship and a number of solutions to bring it back.

Two of the most common reasons for a sexless marriage are:

1) Lack of time, and

2) Lack of communication.

Basically, you can break these two issues down into:

What you need to remove from your marriage, and
What you need to put back in

Remove the Busyness, Add Back the Time

With the frenzied and stressful lives we all lead today, lack of time and energy are one of the most common reasons for a sexless marriage. At first, you go from nightly sex to once a week. A while later, you notice you’re only making love once a month.

Before you know it, you realize it’s been months since you and your spouse even saw each other nude. Very often, schedules that run you ragged and leave you little free time are to blame.

If the two of you honestly want to find a cure for your sexless marriage and your busy life is in the way, you need to remove some things from your agenda.

Take a look at where you really spend your time over the course of a few days or a week.

How much time do you spend on things that don’t really add anything to your life or your marriage?

Many people are surprised to realize how much time they spend on things they don’t even like. Obviously, we’re not talking about workaholic tendencies or parenting duties, but things like television shows that you don’t really care about or meetings for committees that you were talked into joining.

Decide what can be cut out of your day, then add at least some of that time back into your relationship. Instead of scanning the channels looking for something that’s “good enough” to watch, take a walk around the neighborhood with your mate or play a board game. Instead of dragging yourself out to another PTA meeting, skip every other meeting and make that the night you two meet for coffee. You get the idea.

Remove the Distance, Add Back the Intimacy

There are a number of things that can cause otherwise loving spouses to feel distant from each other. That distance makes it hard for most people to feel much interest in having sex.

For the most part, it all comes down to communication. A lack of communication, in its various forms, creates emotional distance and a marriage without intimacy.

Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages. He is the creator of Marriage Fitness, a relationship renewal system and an alternative to marriage counseling. Marriage Fitness is the most successful marriage crisis program in the world, successfully used by millions of people in marital crisis.

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