A loving connection isn’t built from a grand gesture or momentous event.
It happens from the little mundane day-to-day conversations, where you get a sense of each other.
In a way, it’s like a dance.
Back and forth, responding to each other.
Listening. Responding. Listening again. Staying present and involved.
Ideally, it’s a flow.
And yet there are ways this flow gets interrupted.
Here are three main “connection disturbances” that will keep you from creating the deep, loving connection you desire, with your guy.
Interruptions – When a guy is on a train of thought, you don’t want to jump in front of that train. We’re somewhat “one-track” focused and interrupting a guy, even with something you think is relevant or witty or even loving, will throw him off and cause a disconnection. It’s not something we’re proud of, but be forewarned.
Disappearance – This doesn’t literally mean you leave the room. There are many ways for your energy to leave the conversation, and he will sense it immediately. This might include checking your phone, starting a different conversation, responding in a way that shows you weren’t really listening, or giving off energy like you’re bored or you would rather be doing something else.
Evaluations – When you give your opinion about what he just said, you’re making a judgement. It’s very disconnecting to be talking to someone who then decides it’s a good idea to tell you what they think about what you just said. It communicates that your opinion is more important than letting him know that you understand him. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything he’s saying. It means you need to avoid evaluating what he’s saying and instead focus on understanding what he’s saying.
When a guy feels “gotten” by a girl, he feels more connected to her.
I talk about all this and more in my book “How To Talk To A Man.” I reveal the secrets to what shuts a guy down, what words to use when you need to have a difficult conversation, and the ways to finally get him to hear you.
Many of us have bad communication habits. I expose those and guide you to create new habits that will bring him closer.
Connecting deeply with a guy is a dance you create with your guy from the first moments with him: moment-to-moment listening and responding and staying present, while avoiding the “connection disturbances” that disrupt the dance.
Jeffrey Levine is a corporate coach and trained mediator (and Rori Raye’s husband) who works with both men and women to improve their communication, deepen their connection and remove the blocks that keep them from feeling and expressing love. He is the author of “How To Talk To A Man”, which contains invaluable advice, tools and solutions to help you avoid common relationship pitfalls, and clean things up when they go south. “Every moment presents a new choice for you: a decision about what you want – and what you believe you deserve.”