by Helena Hart
Today I want to share a tip that will really transform your relationship and bring your partner closer than ever.
This works great in long-term relationships or even if you’re just dating or single and meeting new men, this should really be helpful for you no matter where you’re at in your love life.
This is really counterintuitive.
It’s sort of the opposite of what we all feel compelled to do sometimes when things aren’t going so well in our relationship or if you’re single and the men that are showing up in your life aren’t the kind of men that you really want to be attracting.
This should really be helpful for you no matter where you’re at in dating and relationships.
What I want to share today is the importance of focusing on the positive aspects in your partner or in all of the men you’re meeting and attracting if you’re single.
And it’s so important and counterintuitive because we can often feel almost inspired by our negative feelings— like anger, jealousy or feelings of lack in some areas, especially when it comes to our loving relationships.
Let me give you some examples because this is a really big concept.
Let’s say your partner has 10 dominant personality traits or characteristics.
Obviously, there’s going to be more than 10 aspects to any human being, but for the sake of this example, we’ll go with 10.
Let’s say— nine of those personality characteristics or traits you really like.
But there’s ONE thing that’s not going so well in your relationship or there’s one thing about your partner that you’re not so fond of that you wish he would work on or change. As humans, we have a tendency to focus on what’s not going right. We want to take it all apart and put it all back together.
That’s what we tend to talk about when we’re talking to our girlfriends or family members— that one thing that’s not going the way we want it to in our love life.
I have found that giving your attention to something makes it bigger and bigger and bigger.
So if you’re just focusing on that one aspect of your relationship that you wish would improve and you’re ignoring the positive aspects and those nine other qualities in your man that you actually love, the problem tends to get bigger and bigger.
If you’ve ever heard the phrase: “There is no getting to the bottom of negative emotions because there is no bottom.”
The more you talk about it, analyze it, wrestle it to the ground, kill it, take it apart and put it back together— both with your partner and with other people in your life— the bigger the problem tends to become.
Of course, I’m not saying that you should turn a blind eye if a man cheating or lying or displaying some behavior that’s really unacceptable.
Obviously, you don’t want to want to be with a man who has some major red flag like I have talked about so much.
But in a normal healthy relationship dynamic, to transform your relationship I really encourage you to focus on those positive qualities.
Take your attention OFF the problem right now, whatever it is.
Just try it out for a week or two.
Set your problems aside for right now and focus on the positive qualities in your relationship or with the men you’re attracting if you’re single and you’ll see transformation right before your eyes. It’s so amazing how well this works to transform your relationship.
If you’re single, better quality men will start showing up for you.
It’s almost like when you’re focusing on the problem or what you wish would change, you’re holding yourself apart from those things you actually want to experience in your love life.
If we’re looking at it from a law of attraction perspective, what’s wrong or what you don’t like becomes active in your vibration or in your energy.
When you’re so focused on the problem and constantly talking about it with everyone in your life or with your partner especially, then that’s what’s active within you, so that’s what you’re going to see more and more of in your experience.
So, for the next week or two, try only focusing on those aspects of your relationship or your man that you would like to experience more and more.
Or, focus on the fact that he IS really loving and hardworking and he cares about your feelings— whatever it is that you love about him.
And think about it the other way around.
Who do you feel compelled to be around and come closer?
What kind of person inspires you to be your best self?
The kind of person who’s focused on your flaws and what they wish you would change?
The kind of person who gives you the benefit of the doubt, focuses on your positive qualities, acknowledges you for working on yourself and the qualities that they like in you?
It’s very obvious, right?
You probably tend to feel drawn to people who appreciate you and make you feel good about yourself, who are not focused on something they wish you would change about yourself.
It’s a good example to help you put yourself in your partner’s shoes for a minute.
I truly believe that even one day’s focus on the positive— if you do this correctly— can transform your relationship and change the kind of men you’re attracting.
Let’s say the men you’re attracting are like 75% of what you want. This is certainly what I experienced in my past, so I’m familiar with this dynamic. The men I would attract were around 75 to 80 percent of what I was looking for.
But I was so focused on that 20 to 25 percent that was missing that I would just keep attracting these men that were like 75 percent of what I wanted— like “he’s great but there’s just a few things that I don’t really like or there’s just a couple things I would change” and the men just weren’t quite right.
I had this belief that there was always something wrong with these guys.
Maybe I was attracted to them, but they didn’t have a stable job or they weren’t in a good living situation. There was just always something. I was focused on the 25 percent that I didn’t like rather than the 75 percent that was actually really great.
This is a really important concept and this can get you closer and closer to what you want if you’re single.
Try it for the next week or two.
Focus on those positive aspects— either in the men you’re attracting if you’re single or your man if you’re in a relationship— and watch how things will shift in all kinds of amazing new ways.
You want to really allow yourself to be surprised in your love life. See what shows up, either in your man or in all men everywhere if you’re single.
I hope this was helpful for you.
To learn 10 triggers that capture a man’s heart and make him want to give you the relationship you deserve, don’t miss my feminine secrets to getting inside a man’s heart. These secret, ancient feminine methods inspire men to lovingly commit and cherish you. Click here to watch now.
From Sara at LoveRomanceRelationship: Helena Hart is one of our favorites. She’s a brilliant coach and has inspired scores of women on their journey of love and relationships.