by Todd Creager

Today I’m writing about the best ways to express your feelings so that your partner can most easily listen and be there for you.

There is no guarantee that your partner will listen; (we will talk about listening next time), but how you speak for sure will great increased or decrease the probability that you will be heard.

Here are seven key steps to being an extraordinary expressor:

1)  Practice perceiving your partner as a caring, loving listener before you even start speaking (forget about history).

2)  Use “I” statements; for example. “I am disappointed that you forgot my birthday.”  As opposed to,” That’s typical you- only thinking about yourself and even forgetting my birthday.”

3)  Make sure your intent is only to inform your partner of what you are experiencing.  Faulty communication occurs because the expressor has other goals such as to blame, convince, punish or defend.

4) If you are very angry, breathe some deep breaths first and speak from a “centered, calm place.”  Yes you can feel anger and still be loving and effective.  Remember, you are sharing and not dumping on your partner.

5) If you are expressing some real confrontational opinions or feelings, you may want to touch your partner lovingly.  Yes, you can act affectionately even when you are in emotional pain.

6) Compliment and appreciate your partner frequently.  Then when it is time to confront or even complain, your partner will not feel overwhelmed by the negative.

7) The main thing as you can read from the above is that you are bigger than your feelings. You can manage your feelings and express them in such a way that it gets you more of what you want from your partner.  Don’t react to your feelings; utilize them to be more assertive in the world and in your relationship.

Here’s to getting the love you want!

Todd Creager

From Sarah: Todd Creager is an accomplished Speaker, Therapist, Consultant and Author. At his website: The Todd Creager Center for Successful Relationships, you can find out more about how to have a successful relationship->>

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