by Marni Battista
This is in response to a huge question I often receive regarding the good stuff around a relationship; particularly the “I met an amazing guy” Syndrome!
Many women ask how to prevent themselves from getting “too excited” when they feel an amazing connection with someone after the first or second date.
You’ve experienced this before, right? The feelings you have when you know he is head and shoulders better than anyone you have ever met before, and you hear yourself telling your girlfriends that there is Nobody who has given you butterflies like this in years.
The belief (already!) that this man has everything you have EVER wanted in a relationship partner.
It feels incredible. It’s like taking a bite of chocolate, or the refreshing, first taste of ice cream as it slides down the back of your throat on a hot summer day. So then…
How Do You Relish These Delicious Feelings Without Getting Too Attached To The Relationship Destination…?
Without getting attached to the belief that this guy is or could be “THE ONE”?
The truth is that if you begin to have this energy immediately, and if it leaks while you are with Mr. Wonderful on the first 3-6 dates, he will most likely be able to smell it on you like cheap vanilla perfume, and consequently he may then VANISH!
ALERT! Treat him as merely “one,” rather than “The One!”
Men don’t want to be “The One,” after date 1, 2 or even 5.
They need time.
They don’t think like us.
They don’t process like us.
And most often, while they may think you are incredible, beautiful and HOT, most likely they do not decide you are the ONE in the same manner as you may choose them.
That said, how do you then enjoy and relish the POSSIBILITY that this man could be someone you want to get to know better and be in a real, serious relationship with, without “wrecking it,” or trying to protect yourself from getting disappointed or hurt.
Prepare For, Don’t Kill, A Potential Relationship
1. Ultimately, you may be disappointed, AND that’s perfectly ok.
Feelings are not bad, especially feelings of sadness or disappointment. Feelings won’t kill you, unless you hold on to them and they manifests themselves as icky victim energy and a lack of confidence. In fact, who is freakin’ happy, ecstatic, butterflies and puppies all the time? It’s not real.
And, if you expect that EVERY date and every guy should be THE ONE, then you’re going to put too much emphasis on each date.
At Dating With Dignity we teach clients that your partner is not the “ice cream” in your life. YOU, ladies, are the ice cream and in finding a partner you hope to find the most incredible hot fudge, sprinkles and whipped cream.
2. Get excited, and pace the dating process appropriately.
This means don’t put him up on a pedestal and decide he is “everything” until he has CONSISTENTLY shown you who he truly is through his actions OVER TIME.
And, when I tell you to do this “over time,” I don’t mean one or even three weeks. I am talking two months – 3 months down the road. How is he showing up six months down the line when he feels that perhaps he has “caught” you and the relationship has settled into some sort of routine?
Remember, your job is to consistently collect data about this person’s values, their interests and who they TRULY are once you step outside the “LOVE BUBBLE!”
3. HAVE FUN!
I call it “Data Dating” and it is the 10th Step of my “Process to Manifesting Love of Self and Others.”
Not only are you learning about him when you are Data Dating, but you are also HAVING FUN! Experience each date without the judgement of asking yourself whether he is it, or NOT it.
Move away from “black and white” thinking to be present in each moment.
Enjoy yourself. Enjoy him. And, if it’s not a match, be willing to simply move on – without drama – to have another turn “at bat” with someone else.
From Sarah – Marni’s got a whole website of goodies. She coaches, she’s got free gifts. You can find out all about her awesome approach and ready your life for a lot more dating fun. Marni’s “Dating With Dignity” videos and programs will knock your socks off and give you such a feeling of strength and clarity you’ll want to thank us at LoveRomanceRelationship for finding her for you! Just go here to take your free D-Factor Assessment, to watch her free videos, and get her free newsletters to get what you WANT in a relationship->