by Dominique

***(From the Editors – Dominique wrote this in reply to a post we saw about how porn and fantasy take away from a relationship – you’ll see how she has a very on-the-edge-of-the-envelope perspective on this):

Everyone is different, and not all individuals or couples respond to porn in the same way.

Not all porn is used as a substitute or as fantasy whether it be images or words, and comparisons are not necessarily being made.

I discovered my partner liked to look at porn on the internet three years into the relationship. If I hadn’t happened upon it one day, I would still not know to this day that he likes porn, for he was always attentive, loving, and very sexual with me, very much into me and us.

We had a really nice relationship even though I knew all along that I was keeping my deeper self from him. I always have and knew no other way out of fear etc., yet still we were really good together. I’m sure he sensed some of this somewhere, but he’s patient and felt that someday I would open to him or not. Porn had nothing to do with any of this.

Finding it though plunged me into deep despair, but I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t about the porn. It was deeper issues that were being triggered by it. It took me three more years of intense inner work using various means along with desire, determination, and dedication that brought me through to the other side.

I came to find out that for him and surely other men as well that porn only stokes the fire of his passion for me, or sometimes it’s just an amusement, as a tease to be reignited at another time. Who doesn’t enjoy being aroused after all.

He uses porn as a tool to arouse himself for me, not for use as an empty evacuation or ejaculation. The images are objects of arousal, not figures of desire. Men like my man have a wonderful way of being able to be sexually attracted to nearly any image of a naked woman and not desire them.

There is a clear difference in their minds and hearts between momentary eroticism in a picture or even a woman passing on the street or even a stripper in the flesh and the full bodied response, heart and soul included, they have for their beloved. Porn for this kind of man creates a direct connection from eyeballs to penis. There is no stopping along the way.

On the other hand when he sees me there is, the brain and the heart. A distinct difference of which he’s well aware. This is something most women cannot fathom. We may or may not fantasize about images we see or words we read, but we can always imagine, feel sometimes all sensations, touch, smell, taste even as if we are there, and we can become caught up in it all and possibly become confused about it all.

For me now that I have healed from my deeper stuff and reconciled myself with porn, I now share it with my man or look at it alone, I find that I can feel all that I just described if I find an image or clip that arouses me, but there is never a comparison, for I’m just feeling what I feel nebulously, not imagining that what I see is part of any of me. What could possibly be better than sex with my man? The real thing could never compare to a two dimensional unreal image, and I know he feels the same.

We’ve been together now for over six years, and though sex has never been boring, it keeps getting better and better. Much has to do with me letting my stuff go and opening up in all ways, body, mind, heart, and spirit. I have also found that men take our lead in this.

The more we open to them, the more they will open to us. They find bliss through our hearts. Maybe I’m very lucky in the man I have, but then again so is he. He is my brand of adoring white knight in shining armor, and I am his loving hussy slut ho.

If this is a topic that concerns you in your relationship – we recommend you visit Dominique- she’s totally been through it and come out the other side in an amazing, female-powerful way. You can get her free newsletters and relationship tips here->

1 Comment

  1. Mike on October 8, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    Women…WIVES…GIRLFRIENDS…READ THIS…UNDERSTAND THIS…Men love their ‘puter porn, but it has nothing to do with their lovely mate, other than to warm them up for her. Women! If your man loves you, no porn will ever replace you. If he doesn’t, you will know this, listen to your insticts, SOME of your girlfriends, etc. TV porn is to be shared. Listen to what he likes, (he should listen to what you like also), you may find you both like some of the same things.



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