Have you found that men process things and express their feelings far differently than you as a woman, especially men in relationships? Have you tried to explain your feelings only to be rejected or ignored? This hurt, didn’t it? Have you tried then to word things in another way only to be now met with irritation if not anger? Has this been a seemingly never ending source of exasperation?
There was a time I felt this way. I would want so badly to let my man know what I was feeling, tell him about what I was going through. And the more I tried to explain things, the more he seemed to just NOT get it. Very quickly I would be met with a wall. The initial openness would close up SO fast. I felt SO confused. I felt frustrated. I just didn’t know what to do to get through to him. I SO wanted him to understand. Understand ME.
Well I discovered something…
Men work differently than women do. Men in relationships work differently than women in relationships. There’s nothing profound here nor eye opening. BUT really, really grasping this concept can help you HUGELY.
When you GET this, I can help you find a way to work with it so that you can feel better, so that you can get him to hear you and understand you, maybe not as much as you would have wished for but enough for him to get it, a little piece of you. As for the rest, go spill it all into your girlfriends’ eager ears.
The outcome will be a much nicer, smoother flow between you and your man.
There is one critical thing you must learn here.
Men In Relationships Tend to Be More Accepting of Things As They Are:
- Circumstances as they arise.
- The moods of their woman.
- They tend to live more in the moment than we do.
This is not to say he’s not affected by you and your moods. Or better said, he IS aware of your moods, but he won’t tend to let it affect his own. And he won’t tend to ask you what’s wrong.
This can make you crazy. This can make you think he’s either blind and/or ignorant, or he just doesn’t give a damn.
And so you TALK. And then he shuts down. Sound familiar?
But it’s not that your man doesn’t care. He cares deeply. He just doesn’t need or want to know all of your internal workings.
He doesn’t need or want to know every little thing you are thinking and feeling, the whys and wherefores of your heart and mind processes.
As an example, my man is very sensitive – men are far more so than we are led to believe – your man is likely too. He knows when I must be working on something or dealing with something. He’s also enormously patient, so he never probes, nor does he take my mood personally. He lovingly works under the assumption that I will tell him what’s bothering me when I’m ready, or I won’t, and he’s okay either way.
Most men in relationships will operate in his way, thinking that whatever it is that’s going on with you, you can work it out on your own, and he doesn’t have to know.
Now I’m not saying to keep all of this inside you. I don’t believe in keeping things underground, for it gets in the way of true intimacy. And that’s not what this is about.
You CAN Tell These Men In Relationships – Your Man – How You Feel.
BUT you must speak in this way and I suggest only in this way:
* Concisely, no explanations, no elaborations.
* By stating your feelings SIMPLY.
* As in I feel….whatever EMOTION it is you feel.
And THAT’S ALL. That’s all you need or want to say. A few words of caution here – be very careful that you DON’T just use the words “I feel” to express what is really a thought.
“As in I feel YOU are neglecting me”
Double whammy here. Not only are you expressing a thought, not a feeling, you are using the word YOU which always comes across as an accusation.
Better way – “I feel neglected.”
This short, simple, and sweet way of expressing yourself will actually bring him closer to you. For not only are you not stuffing or hiding how you feel (he CAN feel this) nor are you becoming a drama queen (which is for most men in relationships such a turn-off) – YOU are also being VULNERABLE.
You are being REAL. You are being AUTHENTICALLY YOU. AND you are speaking to him in a way HE CAN HEAR YOU and want to understand you.
Men in relationships are not so difficult to relate to – just tell them how YOU FEEL.
From Sara at LoveRomanceRelationship: One of our favorite relationship coaches is Rori Raye. If you’re struggling to bring him closer, or even finding the right guy, please check out her book, “Have The Relationship You Want.”