How Men Fall In Love

Wondering how men fall in love? It’s different than you may think.

by Amy North

It turns out that what makes men fall in love, the stages they go through, and how they show their love can be quite a bit different when compared to women.

Men Fall In Love Differently

Hi, I’m Amy North, dating expert and author of The Devotion System, a foolproof guide to meeting, dating, and settling down with the guy of your dreams. I’ve dedicated my career to helping women get the guy so I know a thing or two about falling in love.

First, I just wanted to say that men and women, at the end of the day, aren’t all that different, deep down.

We all want to love and be loved. We care about the people around us. And we all are just doing our best.

But there are some key differences between how men and women feel, experience and express love. Let’s get into it.

1. Men fall in love with their eyes first.

The first thing a guy notices about a woman is how she looks. It’s also the second, third, and fourth thing. You may say men are shallow, but the truth is it’s just that men are much more visually driven than women.

A 2004 study from the Center for Behavioral Neuroscience found that male and female brains respond differently to stimuli.

It’s pretty technical but basically, the emotion control center of the brain, the amygdala, showed significantly higher levels of activation in males viewing sexual visual stimuli than in females viewing the same images.

This means that men are more emotionally stimulated by what they’re seeing.

So it’s not that men are shallow as much as their sight has a greater impact on their emotions than it does for women.

Whereas women can be attracted to someone purely for their mind, their sense of humor, or other factors, men need that visual element first and foremost to feel attraction. And without attraction, there can be no love.

2. For men, respect builds slowly

Men can date, sleep with, and even get into a relationship with women who they don’t respect. This is something that many women don’t understand as we’re usually not attracted to someone who we don’t respect.

This may be a cynical way to look at men but it’s quite often the case that they don’t respect you as a default. But men will never fall for a woman unless they can come to respect her. With that in mind, show him that you’re someone with character.

That you stick to your word. And don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and your feelings.

While many women try to be agreeable at all costs, for fear of scaring guys away, it’s actually better to lean in the opposite direction.

This is because men can tell when you’re keeping your feelings to yourself and that lack of emotional maturity and communication will make it difficult for him to respect you.

3. Men can be slow to trust

Men, like women, are often worried about being taken advantage of. This goes even more so for attractive, successful, and wealthy men. They’re on constant guard to make sure they’re not being fooled. This can make men extremely slow to trust other people.

This means, if you trust him too easily and too readily, he might lose respect for you.

To counteract this, don’t try to move too quickly in the relationship. Let him set the pace and come to you when he’s ready.

4. Men want to be a provider…of happiness

On some level, men want to be useful to women. Back in the day that meant being the sole breadwinner. Even farther back it meant taking down some big game to keep you fat during the winter months.

Now, things are a bit different. In the modern world, men just want to feel needed and appreciated.

They want to know that they’re providing you with something valuable as it makes them feel more secure about their desirability and your love for them.

This is why men love to make women laugh, to perform tasks for them, and even to be the one who drives on a long road trip. It’s all about being useful to the other person.

If you’re too independent and unable to let your guard down, they won’t feel as though they’re important to you and so they’ll struggle to really fall deeply in love with you, try as you might.

So be open and receptive to his help, his attention, and his care. This is him showing you how much he loves you.

5. Men don’t want to be tied down

Many men deal with a fear of intimacy and commitment. Whether this is a biological or social issue is up for debate but the truth is that men are conditioned to want to sleep with lots of different women. This means that you may have trouble getting him to settle down with you if you push him too hard.

But you can actually use this information to your advantage to make him fall for you even more. And that’s by playing hard to get. Now, I’d never recommend full on game playing, lying or tricking a guy.

What I’m talking about is, if you’re someone who usually falls head over heels, just hold back a little and make him work for your love and attention.

Men subconsciously see women who play hard to get as being high value, desirable individuals.

The thinking goes: “if she’s not that into me, she must have other, better options.” This thought will make a man more desperate for your attention and affection and he’ll be drawn into love with you without even knowing it.

6. Men don’t always know what they want

It’s easy to look at an attractive, personable guy and think that he has it all figured out. In fact, that’s one of the attitudes that men portray on purpose, to appear more confident and in control than they actually are.

In reality, plenty of men are just making it up as they go along. This means that he doesn’t really know exactly how he feels about you just yet. He’s figuring it out as things develop. He wants to see whether or not the two of you are a good fit.

This may be disheartening but look at it another way–Even if he seems totally uninterested in you, chances are he’s not totally confident in that either. This means that you have an opening that you can use to get closer to him.

How To Make Him Fall In Love

By continually surprising a man you can keep his interest, win his heart, and ultimately, make him fall in love with you.

I’m not talking about showing up to his house in the middle of the night, uninvited.

Surprising a man is just about being spontaneous and open to adventure. So stop suggesting boring dinner-and-a-movie dates and go for something more exciting like bungee jumping.

Another way to continually surprise a man is with radical honesty.

This is your willingness to be open and vulnerable with him, come what may. You do need to walk a fine line with this one. Guys aren’t interested in hearing your entire life history and all the negative feelings you’ve ever had.

But a willingness to be real and frank when it comes to more taboo topics or personal issues can actually create a lot of interest in a man. Men are drawn to novelty and if he can tell that he doesn’t quite have you figured out, he’s going to want to know more about you, and eventually, he will fall for you.

Amy North is a women’s relationship coach and best-selling author from Vancouver, Canada, with a degree in Social Psychology. Her programs, including Text Chemistry and The Devotion System have helped dozens of women attract and keep the right guy, or improve the relationship they already have. “As your relationship coach I can be your guru, supporter, challenger, and motivator. I’ll give you the push to get going, and the tools to keep you on track. Your interests will be my interests, and I won’t judge, but I will help.”

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