by Virginia Clark
This is a relationship subject that is very near and dear to me.
I acted like a doormat in my dealings with people, especially with men, for many years. I didn’t have a clue how much I was undermining my self-esteem and confidence by always acquiescing to other people’s needs.
I eventually woke up to my self-destructive behavior so I know how painful it is to recognize this tendency in yourself; after all you would like to think that you could rely on yourself for your well being.
In “O Magazine” I came upon an article by Martha Beck asking the question “Are You a Doormat?” I knew that if I had only had these questions to ask myself when I was at my worst, I might have had the insight to pull myself out of being a victim and been able to stand up for myself sooner.
I’m happy to be sharing her questions with you here, so if this is your tendency, you can recognize it now. You may be a full-on doormat or only a once-in-a-while-one; but answering these questions will help you take a look at how you handle yourself in the world.
Are You a Doormat in Your Relationship –
Do the following statements pertain to you?
Answer TRUE or FALSE
1. I lie about my feelings if the truth might upset someone.
2. I want people to sense it when I’ve hit my limit, without my having to say anything.
3. I go blank when asked what I want, like, or think.
4. My “to do” list includes things I don’t have to do, and things I don’t want to do.
5. I eat, cry, smoke, or drink when I’m angry.
6. I sometimes feel quite drained; I explode at my loved ones and then feel terrible about it.
7. I feel panicky about the thought of someone disliking or disapproving of me.
8. I feel virtuous when I override my own needs or wish to please others.
9. I feel resentful while doing things for other people.
10. I complain about other people’s needs and demands when they aren’t present.
What Your Answers Mean for Your Relationship
If you answered true to one of these statements, you need to work on that particular action and reaction.
If you answered true to four or more of these statements, you are definitely a “doormat.” You need to work on saying “No”!
Acknowledging that you need to say “no” more is a big step. The next is like everything else I talk about…you have to practice it.
There is no substitute for saying “no.” There is no alternative to being a victim in your life except not being one.
Once you discover something you need to change about yourself, that will make you happier and more fulfilled, you should jump right in and take it on. Get help if you need. Sitting and not doing anything to correct it is a waste of your precious time.
If you would like some expert guidance in this area, I will help you turn this tendency around quickly. Just contact me here and I will tell you how.
If you need more support with this or any relationship problem, take advantage of my 30-MINUTE NO CHARGE PHONE CONSULTATION.
I’m thrilled to be connecting with you here. If you have a question you would like to see answered, please send it to me. I welcome your questions and your thoughts.
In the meantime don’t forget, things can change in an instant, don’t lose hope!
Virginia is the real deal. Her story of meeting her man late in life and getting married (she’d never been married before) is amazing, and her ebook “It’s Never Too Late To Marry” will give you the hope you need, step-by-step instructions on how to make it happen for yourself, and the inspiration to transform your love life. Go here to check out Virginia and learn how to have the relationship you want->