by Eris Huemer

We all go through times in our relationship where we encounter discomfort in our relationships.

We think to ourselves, “Did I choose the right person?”

We have countless reasons why “This just won’t work.”

The majority of the time we blame the other person for why it “Won’t” and “Can’t” work.

There are times when this is true – like when the red flags are so huge you can’t ignore them and the other person is unwilling to change these things within themselves.

However, the majority of the time you CAN work through challenging situations.

Your spouse may be emotionally “checked-out” of the relationship and not seem to care about making any efforts of their own.

You ask yourself , “How do I get my spouse to change?”

You have a list of 101 things that you could change about them.

So, how are you going to make your spouse change?

You aren’t!

When you really think about it; nobody makes changes when it is IMPOSED UPON THEM.


When we feel forced or manipulated to change, then we resist with all our might.

Your spouse may not be willing to change for the sake of your relationship – right now. But, that doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with you.

Everyone wants a great relationship.

But the fact is that if they’re going to change, they want the change to be T HEIR IDEA – when they are ready.

Your spouse will not change one second before then.

And, the more you push them, nag them, threaten them, ask them, scream at them, or beg them, the LESS LIKELY they are to change.

I know how hard it can be to wait. Trust me. There are things that Clayton has chosen in his life that I wanted him to change. Its hard for me to wait, because I wanted these changes to happen in my time frame and the way I wanted it. But the thing is, HE had to come up with when and how he would be willing to make those changes.

I can’t tell you how many times a spouse will say to me that their significant other changed for a few days, but then returned to their old ways. That’s because they never really decided to change. They were pressured. They were manipulated. And the change didn’t stick.

So, what do you have to do?

BACK OFF of your spouse!

It is time for YOU to start creating the change that you want to find. Start giving more positive energy within your relationship.

When was the last time you told your spouse that you love them? Or made a romantic dinner for just the two of you?

So, are YOU ready to make some changes?

You can be the inspiring example of change in your relationship. Notice how you begin to see how you feel about yourself you’re your relationship.

It is a myth that your relationship won’t change until your spouse does the shifts. The more love we show – the more love we will begin to feel.

You can actually make more than 50% of the difference in your relationship yourself.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see.”

It’s YOU making the changes that will have the greatest impact for you and your experience within your relationship. AND, it’s YOU changing that will motivate your spouse to start making some changes on their own.

Eris specializes in getting your love life back on track after a breakup – she takes you Step-By-Step through how to heal your broken heart and Transform your Break UP into a Break THROUGH – so you can (like the title of her terrific new book) go from Break UP to Break THROUGH AND BEYOND. You can find out more about Eris here->

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