You hear it all the time, honest communication in marriage is the one single factor that can make a marriage strong or weak.
You often hear people say that they “just don’t communicate anymore” – but the truth is in a lot of cases they never really did, at least not in a constructive way.
If you and your spouse have good communications skills right from the start, you will be able to avert many of the problems that plague a lot of marriages. People think that they’re communicating in marriage effectively, but rarely do, and often don’t even with other friends and family.
Communicating in Marriage Isn’t About Talking All the Time
It’s about listening too.
That is the part where most people fail.
We think we’re listening, but in reality our mind is elsewhere.
Sometimes we even make excuses for that behavior saying things like: “I don’t need to listen, she will just repeat it again in an hour” or “Here he goes again, covering the same old ground”.
The truth is that the reason your guy repeats himself could well be a learned habit. You might have taught them very early on that you don’t really listen or pay attention to him when he talks.
He may have developed the habit of repeating himself just because he doesn’t think he’s been heard.
If that’s the case, it will take some time to reverse the trends, both them repeating themselves and you really learning to listen effectively. Having a counselor help the two of you form more effective methods of communication is a great idea too.
Just re-learning some habits can make a world of difference, and with a counselor it’s far less likely that the two of you will get angry or defensive when you hear something less than flattering about yourself.
If you are looking for a resource that will help you learn to communicate with your guy so that he actually hears you, please check out “How To Talk To A Man.”
Communicating in Marriage Requires Honesty
Another common problem is that one spouse is afraid to really tell the other how they feel.
They may be afraid that their spouse will get angry or defensive, or they may be afraid that they will be mocked.
Again, this is a pattern of behavior that has likely been in practice since the start of the relationship, but in the beginning the two of you were so in love that you chose to ignore it. Now, years later (and with some built up resentments) it’s harder to ignore.
Again, it’s a good idea to have a counselor point you both in the right direction and help keep the peace when necessary.
It may sound obvious, but real communication in marriage starts with listening. While it will likely take some serious time and commitment to unlearn bad habits and learn better ones, your relationship will be in a much better place when you do.
If you feel the communication is suffering, then there’s a good chance you’re beginning to feel your guy moving away from you. You want to rebuild the bond and get him to see the many ways in which you need him. Jeffrey Levine is a corporate coach and trained mediator (and Rori Raye’s husband) who works with both men and women to improve their communication, deepen their connection and remove the blocks that keep them from feeling and expressing love. He is the author of “How To Talk To A Man”, which contains invaluable advice, tools and solutions to help you avoid common relationship pitfalls, and clean things up when they go south. “Every moment presents a new choice for you: a decision about what you want – and what you believe you deserve.”