This is actually a question that was posted on my Facebook wall, but it makes a really good point about insecurity and what “men do to women” so I decided to repost it here. Really pay attention here, it’ll help you in your own relationships:
“Michael, can you please say a word or two about what you think if a guy keeps his ex gf’s pictures on Facebook while he’s dating another. My BF refuses to put away his ex-girlfriend’s photos and it makes me feel insecure, disrespected and jealous.”
“Hey Ana, Good question. Here’s my take: You can’t erase a guy’s past (and you shouldn’t even try to.) The ‘Facebook Age’ basically gives us a running photo history of our lives and his ex girlfriend is always going to be a part of that history.
That said, it’s totally understandable that you feel a little disrespected here. If he’s got a bunch of photos of him and this other woman making out or all over each other, he should take those down.
But if they’re relatively PG photos you should just let it go. And remember, the photos aren’t making you feel insecure. They’re just heightening a feeling of insecurity you probably already have inside.”
Ana writes back:
“Michael, thanks for the answer. I did exactly as you said. I didn’t ask him to take off the photos, BUT after 3 months of our relationship he again put her photo on Facebook.
How do I react? It confused me a lot?
P.S. Also, please explain how harmful can it be if he and she are still friends on Facebook while she still puts love songs dedicated to him. I know it =-)”
I respond again:
OK, deep breathe here. If you don’t have Text The Romance Back yet, you should really go grab it as I talk about some of these concepts in much more depth there.
That said: Chill. You’re getting anxious and insecure over stuff you have no control over and that’s the quickest way to crazy town known to man.
Your guy is going to do what your guy does.
The only thing you have control over is how you react to what he does.
Now, is he putting a picture of her on Facebook because he’s ‘not as into you as you want’ or because he still harbors feelings for her?
I have no idea.
But most likely the pictures have nothing to do with you or his feelings for you and the best thing you can do is move on and not think about it.
Getting insecure over this is actually the worst reaction.
Insecurity is extremely unattractive and pushes men away like nothing else . . . but if you can be unbothered by this and maintain your confidence it will actually bring your guy closer to you.
To be blunt about insecurity: All relationships end.
Either you break up or one of you dies. The odds of you and this guy being together for the next 50 plus years are actually pretty low. If he’s disrespecting you, all you need to do is end the relationship earlier.
If you think he’s cheating on you, then you need to make the decision based on that fact.
But making drama out of Facebook stuff will never get you where you want.”
Ana responds again:
“Thank you. These are EXACTLY the words I needed to hear right now. You have
probably saved our relationship now coz I was at the edge about how to react. Now I took the direction. Thank you!!”
There’s a couple reasons I’m sharing this with you:
1. Because I think you should go “like” my Facebook page =-) http://www.facebook.com/michael.c.fiore
2. Because insecurity is a noxious weed in a lot of relationships and, in my opinion, is one of the major things that causes men to lose attraction to their partners.
I’ll talk more about how to “defeat” insecurity in some future material.
But for now, the best advice I can give you is to remember:
You want a man in your life, you don’t NEED a man in your life.
If you can master that concept you’ll be amazed at how many “relationship problems” fade away in a breath.
From Sarah: For an incredible assortment of full texting scripts and great romantic texting ideas to try with a man, you’ll really want to check Michael out (I immediately downloaded Text The Romance Back and loved it so much – that’s why I’m recommending it here…) Go here to discover how you can nearly instantly create way more romance with a man just by texting >>