Long Distance Relationships suck.
They suck because your man can’t feel you, touch you, smell you, taste you. It’s all in his imagination, and yours – and so long distance love often turns into something imaginary.
And yet – many long distance relationships DO work out.
Here are some clues:
1. Don’t ASSUME anything – communication is harder in a long distance relationship, and it’s really easy for there to be misunderstandings.
Have you ever re-read a series of texts between you and a man?
Imagine different tones of voice, different emotions, different intent behind each message – and you can see how easy it is to “interpret” meanings and feelings that the man who texted you wasn’t even feeling or meaning.
And the same holds for YOUR texts – it’s easy for him to misinterpret your trying to be ‘cool’ for coldness, or that you don’t like him anymore – just as easy it is for you to assume that of HIS messages.
Even phone and skype have challenges – you can get so concerned about making every minute together “wonderful” that you stay superficial. It’s easy to gloss over misundertandings, and apologize automatically – and even easier to get DEFENSIVE about something he said.
And then – if you’re feeling insecure and defensive (who wouldn’t if you couldn’t touch, smell, taste, feel your man?) it’s really easy to stuff all that down and try to put “a good face” on it.
When truly – what a long distance relationship needs more than anything else is DEPTH. It needs REALNESS and authenticity. You need to be able to FEEL each other, just through words, and sometimes a visual – and that’s hard.
2. Don’t try to hide your feelings.
That means, if you’re angry about something at work – don’t try to be “chipper” and upbeat about it.
That means, if you’re feeling lonely, don’t try to be “cool.”
And if you’re feeling what feel like unpleasant feelings – instead of trying to hide them from him – bring them up this way: “I was feeling a bit lonely this week, and overwhelmed at work, and it feels good to hear your voice” (and “see your face” if you’re skyping).
There’s a lot more to you than just negative feelings. Look for the good, positive feelings (“I saw a pigeon family on my walk today, it felt all cozy and sweet…”) inside you, too – and try to express THOSE to him when you can.
But stewing over feelings and trying to keep them from him will just create more drama down the road…and it’ll paralyze the “juice” in your long distance relationship.
3. Try to share doing things together (watch the same movies at the same time, eat the same food together, walk together…) as much as you can.
And if you can’t do them together – at least do them, each of you, so you can share the EXPERIENCE.
We’ve found a couple who are actually making long distance work for them until they can be together – and they’ve written a wonderful little workbook that, for us – would do amazing things for ANY relationship – long distance or not…
It’s the only long distance relationship book we recommend – it’s so totally practical, personal – it’s a way you and your man can communicate on a deep level to keep your love alive…go check it out here and help your long distance relationship thrive->: