Did you know that science has proven what works in relationships?

by Carol Allen

No kidding.

Researchers have studied couples in a lab setting and analyzed exactly what keeps two people together, and what breaks them apart.

And the results they’ve discovered have stood up to the tests of scientific scrutiny…

If a couple stays together or not is reliable and predictable time and again, just by observing if they have certain dynamics and behaviors or not…

They’re so reliable, in fact, that the researchers are RIGHT about whether or not a couple will divorce or stay married – a whopping 91% of the time.

The amazing part? They can do this just by watching them have ONE fifteen minute conversation…

If you’d like to know the secret to making love last – it’s simple.

And it’s something you’ve been good at since, like, kindergarten.

And it doesn’t just work in romantic relationships – it works in ALL relationships.

It’s all about being FRIENDS FIRST…

And by “first” I don’t mean to start off as friends.

I mean, make your friendship the most important thing between you, no matter who the other person is to you.

Now – I have a confession to make.

I lied. I said this was simple. It’s not.

Why not?

Because when you’re friends first and foremost – you take your own selfish agenda OUT of the equation.

So, instead of thinking, “But what about ME?!” You think, “This is my friend. I want for him whatever it is HE wants for himself.”

No matter what it is.

Even if he wants to quit the job he hates (you know – the one that pays YOUR bills), or pursue a hobby that doesn’t include you, or follow a dream you don’t believe in but is dear to him…

Gulp.

I told you it wasn’t easy…

We can do this for our friends, no problem.

When they want to move to some far-flung country, and leave the stability they’ve built, we say, “Do it – you’ve always wanted to live in Zimbabwe and save baby elephants…”

But when it’s the person you’re MOST attached to – instead of being able to so much as HEAR what he wants and how much it matters to him, all you can hear is the voice screaming in your head…

“But what about ME?!”

You see, once you’re romantically attached to a man, you can’t help but have a selfish expectation of how he’s going to live his life, and where you fit into it all.

So, it can be very difficult to ZOOM OUT and see things from a bigger perspective than your own point of view.

But you must…

Or you’ll just push him away, or make him feel that he can’t have what he wants, or that he can’t be happy with you.

Let me give you an example from my own life.

I’m married to a wonderful man.

We’re very happy…

And – we’re very different.

And he needs lots of freedom and time alone.

He needs tons of time in nature.

And he needs lots of space to “roam around.”

The problem? We live in a big city where this is pretty much impossible…

One thing that’s interesting about this, is that in Vedic astrology, the constellation he is born under is all about all of that.

It’s symbolized by a horse – and I’m sure you know, the horse is a nomadic animal that lives in nature (before they were tamed, that is), and “roams” around.

So – how does this show up in our life together?

Every few months my husband gets itchy hooves…I mean, feet.

He has to go somewhere.

And he has to go somewhere with wide open spaces.

Or he starts to “chomp at the bit.”

Literally. :)

So what do I do?

I open the “barn” door and let him go…

I let him go camping alone, or drive to his favorite place a couple of states away and stay with friends.

I hold down the fort, and take over his chores, and his burdens, and give up my own selfish needs for a few days (and sometimes even weeks).

I don’t say, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t go anywhere… If you cared about ME, you’d stay home with me ALL THE TIME…”

Now, am I a saint?

No.

I just know who I married.

And I know this is just who he is.

And by letting him do his own thing, I’m being a good friend to him.

And, as a result, I’m being the best wife he could want.

So what does he do while he’s gone? He calls me constantly, all mushy and sweet.

He feels CLOSER TO ME by being away.

He feels so grateful to be able to be so fully himself, and so fully supported, that his heart just opens and practically bursts with love for me.

I’m not kidding.

It’s so great.

I can hear it over the phone. And I get to feel it when he comes back…

Ahhh…

Okay, I’ll stop bragging about my marriage now.

Not only is it sometimes hard to support a man in being fully who he is – you’ll get static from the other people in your life for doing so.

When my husband goes away, lots of my friends don’t get it.

They’ll say, “Hmmmph! That’s not cool that he leaves you holding the bag…”

(What “bag” they mean, I don’t know…)

Or, “Doesn’t he know married men can’t just go off by themselves?”

(Where they read that “rule” is beyond me. Of course, these friends are all single…)

Or, “Don’t you worry who he’s WITH when he’s away?” implying my husband isn’t honorable.

(Let’s just say I’m no longer friends with THAT friend…)

Let me give you another example…

I saw an awards show on television once on which the late comedian George Carlin won an award.

When he approached the microphone to make his acceptance speech, he told a beautiful story.

He said that years before he and his wife had finally “made it.”

He’d reached a level of success with his work that allowed them to buy a beautiful home and “settle down” after years and years on the road.

Just as the paint had dried, and the furniture had all been put in place, he went to his wife distraught.

He realized that the kind of comedy he’d been doing wasn’t making him happy, and that he wanted to try a whole new kind of material.

The problem?

It would be a gamble, and it would require going back on the road.

It would mean making a lot less money.

And it would mean (gasp!) giving up the new house, and the new life of ease.

So, what did his wife do?

Did she freak out?

Did she throw a fit?

Did she drop to the floor of their new living room and flail her arms and legs?

No.

She remembered who she was married to.

And she looked him in the eye, and said, “I’ll go write a new press release…”

And he took his career in a whole new direction.

And was more successful than ever.

And though HE was the creative genius, there he was on national television giving HER all the credit.

And they had one of the longest, most successful “Hollywood” marriages ever.

So the next time the man in your life wants something, ask yourself, “What would his BEST friend say?”

And try saying THAT.

Does it mean you’ll lose him?

Or that you won’t be able to get your needs met, too?

Or that you’ll be an object of concern and pity in the eyes of your friends?

Maybe…

But it might just mean something else – it might draw you closer than you ever thought possible – forever.

You just have to know how.

Now, if you have nothing but the best of intentions, but find you can’t seem to stay centered and peaceful enough with a man to be this kind of friend, or “special” friend to him, it may just be that you’re not compatible with him.

It’s sooo hard to support a man if he isn’t the right man for you.

So, run a “Right Man Report” – an overview of your astrological compatibility together – and find out if you and a man have enough fundamental agreement and mutual comfort to make such sacrifices worthwhile, and easy.

You see, when a man is the right man, the things that before seemed crazy (like letting him do what he wants, even when it involves great sacrifice from you), now won’t be.

But if you’re not compatible with a man, you won’t understand him, and won’t feel that basic peace and connection to him that allows you to trust and feel secure enough to be the best you can be, no matter what.

So find out more, or learn all of this incredible information for yourself now:

And may God and his planets and stars shower you with love!

attractionCarol Allen has counseled thousands of people in the areas of relationships, finances, career, health, real estate, travel, and conception and is a lifetime member of The American Council of Vedic Astrology. For two decades she’s counseled clients in the area of compatibility and relationships. Click here to order your “Right Man Report” – Your compatibility with a man and the very destiny of your relationship is written in the stars.

Leave a Comment