Have you ever had a guy flirt with you, tell you that you’re “amazing” and “special” and you’re sure there’s a strong attraction between you, but when you started responding to him or having feelings for him, he suddenly pulled away for NO GOOD REASON?
Why do men do this? Why do they start out hot and then get distant and shut down without telling you why or even wanting to TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOU?
Is there a man you’re interested in and attracted to that ACTS like he may be interested in you, but he hasn’t asked you out on a date yet?
You see him at work, or he’s a friend-of-a-friend that you run into at parties, or is a member of the same club or organization you’re involved with.
Every time you run into him, he seems happy to see you.
He flirts, he smiles, he teases you and tries to get your attention.
He seems to remember every conversation you had and makes you feel like he’s actually PAYING ATTENTION to what you’re saying.
He asks you about your life and makes you feel like he’s really interested in what you’re doing.
He compliments you on the way you look. He looks directly at you, and there’s just something about the way he’s looking that makes you wonder what he’s really trying to say.
It feels good to you.
It feels like attraction to you.
And you find yourself attracted to him.
You look forward to running into him or spending time with him.
He makes you laugh, and every interaction you have with him makes you wonder what it would be like to date him.
But you also feel a bit OFF BALANCE around him, because he doesn’t seem to do what you expect him to do, or what you WANT him to do.
Like suggest you go out for a drink or coffee.
Or ask you for your number or email.
Or want to take things beyond just a casual friendship with a lot of flirting to something a little more “real.”
Sure, he ACTS interested, he flirts with you and tells you that you’re beautiful and smart and interesting, but then he pulls back and makes you wonder if you’re just IMAGINING THINGS.
Is he really interested? Or is he just messing with you?
It confuses you, which makes you think about him even MORE…and it’s driving you crazy.
Will he ever ask you out? Should you make the first move and ask him? Is he shy? Is he waiting for some kind of “signal” from you?
If you’ve ever been in this kind of situation, you know how confusing it is.
One minute, the guy is laying on the compliments and flirting with you like crazy.
And the next minute, he’s off talking to someone else and “ignoring” you, without ever following up or ASKING YOU OUT.
It can even be extra irritating when this happens over and over… when he continues to act interested without ever DOING anything about it…driving you a little more nutty each time.
What does it mean when a guy acts like this, and what can you do when you’re attracted to a man who just won’t make the FIRST MOVE?
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The Truth About Attraction
I can tell you that there can be many reasons a man will flirt and act “interested” in you, but never ask for your number, call, or make plans to go on a real “date” with you.
One may be that he’s actually involved with someone else, and he doesn’t want to be honest about that, but he enjoys your company and thinks you’re a great woman.
He just doesn’t want to “go there” with you.
Maybe he’s attracted to you PHYSICALLY, but doesn’t yet feel that gut-level of emotional attraction to want to take things to the next level with you.
Maybe he’s getting mixed signals from you…one minute he thinks you’re responding and interested, but the next minute he senses some kind of “vibe” that makes him wonder if you’d reject him if he were to ask you out.
OR…Maybe he has his own personal reasons for not wanting to become more involved that have nothing to do with who you are or what you say or do.
These are all things you may have wondered about and guessed by yourself at one point.
Unfortunately, unless you ask him directly, there’s no way to know for sure what’s going on.
But there ARE a few things you can do to increase the likelihood that he’ll want to spend time with you alone and get to know you better.
I’m going to give you 3 powerful tips on getting a man’s attention and interest, and then a game plan on how to create the right situation so that he can feel comfortable asking you out or taking things to the next level with you.
This way, you can stop over-analyzing everything he’s doing or saying, and stop feeling bewildered about why he keeps flirting with you but not making a move.
And then you can RELAX, create the right circumstances, and let it all work out like magic.
Ready? Here goes.
How to Assess the Attraction:
TIP #1: LEAD WITH ATTRACTION If a man is looking you up and down and staring at you, or already telling you things like, “You’re the most attractive woman in the room” or “You’re really hot” then it’s a no-brainer.
He’s physically attracted to you.
You’ve already got that going for you.
That’s NOT the kind of “attraction” I’m talking about here.
That’s PHYSICAL ATTRACTION, and a man can feel that kind of attraction for any woman – whether she’s his “type” or not. A man can appreciate an attractive woman. He might even want to ACT on that kind of attraction alone.
By flirting with you, or kissing you, or even getting “physical” with you.
But a man won’t stick around for the long-term if ALL he’s feeling is that “you’re hot.”
Because there won’t be any of the magic EMOTIONAL or INTELLECTUAL attraction that will keep him wondering about you or actually LONGING for you (in more than just a physical way).
If you know how to trigger that deeper, more alluring kind of emotional attraction in a man, he’ll want to spend time with you and be around you and it will have LITTLE to do with the way you look or the way you’re dressed.
Sure, you looking and feeling beautiful will be a big bonus in his mind, but in order for him to want something more than just a fling, or to feel addicted – he has to be into to you for another, deeper reason.
He’ll be addicted to you because you’re playful and unpredictable.
Because of the way you carry yourself and the way HE FEELS AROUND YOU.
If you know how to LEAD with attraction, how to set up that “feeling” inside a man from the first 5 minutes you meet him, then it’s going to be very easy for him to ask you out, because he’s going to wonder about you and want to be around you.
He won’t be able to resist you.
***Leading with attraction is different than leading with physical appearance, or leading with your “book-smarts” or letting a man “know” how independent or successful you are.
A man won’t fall for you because of your physical fitness or the kind of job you do.
He’ll fall for you because of the way you make him FEEL when he’s around you, and because you trigger that gut-level of intense emotional attraction in him.
If you know what this is and how it works, you’ll realize how EFFORTLESS it can be to get a great man to ask you out.
TIP #2: ENGAGE HIM ONE-ON-ONE AND GIVE HIM THE SPACE TO RESPOND
Do you know that a man can be just as afraid or even MORE AFRAID of rejection than you are?
In order for a man to overcome “shyness” or even his fear of rejection, he has to feel pretty confident in himself, or in the idea that if he were to ask you out, you’d respond with a “yes.”
If you’re always surrounded by a group of people, he may not have had the opportunity to see for himself whether or not you’re really available and interested.
If he’s never had a one-on-one conversation with you, where you’re leading with attraction and flirting back, he may not feel too sure of the situation.
You may THINK you’re flirting back or being friendly, but he may be just as unsure about YOU and what you’re feeling or thinking as you are about HIM.
This is why it’s important that if you want to maximize the chances that a man will follow-up with his attraction for you, you have to find a way to ENGAGE HIM that tells him that you’re both interested and available.
Look him directly in the eye when you’re speaking to him. Smile.
And don’t forget to lead with attraction.
Which means avoiding things like:
2. Talking about “boring” subjects like the weather or what you do for a living.
3. Letting him “carry” the conversation.
The fact is, if you don’t know WHAT TO DO AND SAY in order to create enough interest for a man to both FEEL SAFE asking you out and creating enough INTEREST in him, then you’re going to have a tough time with men and dating.
These first few moments and dates are critical for setting the stage for a successful relationship down the road.
So what if you do both of the above tips and that guy STILL isn’t asking you on a date?
Is it ok to ask a man out yourself?
The answer is YES, it is perfectly fine to ask a man out on a date if you feel attracted to him and suspect he’s interested, too.
A lot of women have no problem doing this, and it can actually work out and lead to something positive.
But maybe you’re not comfortable with that for some reason.
Maybe you want a man to make the move, or maybe you’re just not 100% sure that he’s interested and available, and you don’t want to risk feeling embarrassed if he turns you down.
I get it. I totally get it.
The thing is, you CAN do something to let a man know that you’d be up for getting to know him better without actually having to ask, “Would you like to go out sometime?”
TIP #3: “BACKLEAD” HIM: There’s a way to show a man where you want things to go without actually doing it yourself or telling him straight-out what you want.
In other words, there’s a way to tell a man that you want him to ask you out without actually saying the words, appearing desperate, or being too “aggressive.”
You do it by initiating HIM to lead.
In social situations, there’s always a “leader” and a “follower” – and the energy FLOWS from the submissive to the dominant person, not the other way around.
A friend of mine who’s a ballroom dancer taught me this.
In dancing, she SHOWS a man the way she wants him to go without actually pulling or pushing him there.
She does it through a technique she calls “backleading.”
You show a man where you want to go, then you relax and CREATE THE SPACE for him to take you there, but you don’t fill the space for him.
This way, a man can feel like he’s the one who pursued you, and you can feel more relaxed knowing that the date was “his” idea.
Because the LAST thing you want to be doing or feeling is that you’re somehow “chasing” the guy.
Here’s an example of how you might do this.
You might say something like, “You seem like a great guy. I’d love to get to know you better. Here’s my number. If you were to ask me out for tea sometime, I’d say yes.”
Here’s the caveat for this technique:
It’s NOT backleading when you’re calling him all the time, texting him to meet you somewhere, complaining that he doesn’t call you enough, or pushing him to “make good” on a suggestion that you two do something together.
That’s not backleading. That’s CONVINCING, and it’s a total turnoff for a man if he’s not yet sure where the relationship is headed.
Best of luck in Life and Love.
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