secure relationshipby Dominique

Have you ever found yourself feeling horrible, insecurities swirling inside your brain, feeling so NOT in a secure relationship? Have you ever found yourself wondering whether this was all your “stuff” or maybe if was your man’s stuff affecting how you feel?

It can be difficult teasing your “stuff” from his. It can be a test of your patience. It can be challenge to every fear you might have.

If you’re at all like me, you might find yourself sometimes wondering why he’s being weird or seeming as though he’s upset or mad about something and not saying anything to you. Or he just feels not like himself to you

I would sit there in agony sometimes, not only because all my loud voices inside would be telling me awful things about myself. My mind would also be “over there,” with HIM, wondering what he was thinking, doing, feeling, and this only made the voices, my gremlins, yell even more.

And then do you lean forward about to say something, and maybe you do, but then, like me, and more often now, you stop yourself, remembering you’ve been down this road before.

You hesitate because something is tugging at you. This feels familiar, and you remember to turn back within to check first if maybe it’s YOU who is being weird or upset about something, and you buried it. Even if this information is brand new to you, think about this. Maybe it’s YOU who is not being HERself.

And now you might feel very confused.

But you know what?

A secure relationship comes from within you.

The next time you find yourself feeling this way, unsure over whether it’s YOU or HIM:

  1. Assume that MOST of the time, these feelings will be all about YOU.
  2. YOU are probably projecting YOU stuff onto him.
  3. When you think HE’s acting oddly or seemingly holding onto something, most of the time it will be YOU who is feeling anxious about something, or something didn’t sit well with you. Or maybe you’re just being hormonal. AND these feelings will often be operating unconsciously.

On the other hand, whenever you’re feeling good, it’s also all YOU, and for this lovely peaceful time somehow you’ve managed to quiet those sometimes strident voices inside

You Create the Secure Relationship

One surefire way to have a deeper and more secure relationship is to go under the assumption at all times that it’s ALL YOU.

In other words – whenever you’re feeling great, YOU created this.

When you’re feeling icky and the negative, nasty voices escalate, this also YOU. This DID NOT come from the outside making you feel this way. Something has been stirred within you and has roused an old thought or feeling, and the sneaky lying gremlin voices have been let loose.

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