serious relationshipby Christian Carter

Have you ever heard a man say something like, “I’m not ready for a serious relationship?” Or, how about this one, “I want my freedom?” If you’ve been close in a relationship with a man and he pulled away, then of course you’ve heard this before. Men say statements like these all the time.

Do you know what a man REALLY means when he says these things? Do you know what to do that can instantly change a man’s predictable behavior of withdrawal or resistance?

If not, then it’s time you stop listening to what a man will only say to you about himself and his feelings, and start paying attention to what’s going on inside his heart and mind. The first thing to learn is that what a man will say might be misleading to women.

In the past, when I’d hear my friends, other men, and even myself say, “I’m not ready for a serious relationship,” I knew that there was something more to it than a just a man who didn’t want a relationship with a woman. In fact, I found that most of the men who said this quickly ended up in a serious relationship with other women soon after.

Does He Really Want To Be In a Serious Relationship?

A man will tell a woman he’s dating that he isn’t ready for all that comes with a real, committed relationship. But, as soon as he’s single again, he’ll start meeting new women and go on dates.

Once he finds a woman he likes and is very attracted to, he’ll spend most of his time with this ONE woman. He even takes it to the next level and stops dating other women he might have met. He does all of this even though he had JUST ended a relationship with ANOTHER woman he felt strongly for because he supposedly didn’t want a “serious relationship.”

Why does he start a serious relationship even though he says he doesn’t want one?

There is an obvious contradiction. But, even though this type of behavior doesn’t always make sense to women, it makes perfect sense to men. Does this situation with men ever frustrate you or leave you feeling like men have no clue what they’re doing?

What Does He Think a Serious Relationship IS?

Here’s the problem: what a man says and means with his words manifests as different actions than what a woman would expect or interpret. Let me explain.

If a WOMAN says, “I’m going to stay home and relax today,” she probably means that she’s going to stay home, make sure that her house and life is in order, catch up on chores and bills, and then maybe watch a few TV shows. If a MAN says that he’s going to stay home and relax, he’s probably going to watch some sports, drink beer, look at pictures of women on the internet, and order take out food.

Men are DIFFERENT from women, and the words they use often don’t mean what they sound like they mean. It can be misleading for women. So, the first thing to understand is that just because a man says something to you, it doesn’t always mean what you think it means. Catch my meaning? To be in a serious relationship with a man, it’s important to understand his meaning.

From Sarah: This is a great piece by Christian Carter explaining the differences between men and women, and how women can better understand men through their words. For more insight on men from Christian, check out his website, and stay posted for his next piece, which offers advice on the secret of what men are really looking for in a woman and a serious relationship->


  1. DAWN on October 15, 2010 at 8:17 am


  2. Sarah on October 15, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Dawn – no idea what he means by it – what does he say?

  3. kay on October 26, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    It means he either doesn’t want to tell you the truth cause he knows you will say no, complain and get him frustrated so he just leaves. Doesn’t mean hes doing anything bad, though it could also be that. It could also simply mean that he just wants to go out and do just that and didn’t see it as being rude… men can be that direct or indirect at times.

  4. may on July 19, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    if a man is not interested in serious relationship the least he could and should do is being honest and straight forward about it, tell the girl the truth, not some lausy excuse and keep on using her as sex toy, thats wrong doing morally and mentally

  5. Confused Girl on August 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    I’ve read your article…It’s painful to share this real story…’e man I really fancied so much went on with a relationship with me & I was his 1st girl…I didn’t expected ‘e relationship but accepted it anyway…Our relationship was superbly perfect, even better than ‘e movies. 1 day before he had to serve national army for ‘e 1st time, he asked for a break up as he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship… Yrs later, we still kept in touch. He is single throughout the day he left me which means I was his last girl…

    It was painful, a man who dedicated to u his life & time like love birds meant his words by saying we were not fated to be together & that he wasn’t ready for a relationship…

  6. erin on August 28, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    May is right. The guy needs to be upfront and honest. But, what if this guy that supposedly likes you, tells you really sweet things, spends a lot of time with you, just all around seems like he is really into you just kind of disappears all of a sudden with no warning? I confronted a guy like that and all he had to say for himself was “I’m just not ready for a relationship……..but I still really like you, I think you’re hot, amazing, funny, perfect.” O….m…..g! What kind of person does that to someone out of the blue? I didn’t do anything wrong to him. Maybe he just got mad because I wasn’t gonna be some slutty booty call, maybe he expected me to be all over him……..sorry dude, I’m not that kind of woman. Lol. The nice guy act gets old really fast.

  7. Jessica on December 8, 2011 at 11:55 am

    So heres my situation. Ive been dating this man for 8 months. We have grown very close together. We dont hide ANYTHING. and i feel a VERY strong love for him. But the way he acts, it seems to me that all he wants is just someone there for him. Like there are a lot of times when i know he loves me too, but when hes around his friends or when hes in a bad mood he treats me in a bad way. Wheather it be what he says to me, or about me. Some times he puts me down. But i also know that 90% of the time he is kidding. I love him with everything that i have inside of me. And i dont know what to do anymore. Its like hes bipolar about this relationship… What do i do?

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