Being able to love yourself is not an easy thing for most of us. Many of us started feeling unworthy or undeserving very early, and so the habit continued.
We were maybe abused, physically, emotionally, or both, or we were neglected or ignored. Regardless, the message which was internalized would have been the same.
“I am bad,” and/or “If I was (any number of things which I will leave to your imagination and the memories of your past) my parents would have cherished me, so “I must not be lovable.”
So you worked hard to earn their love thinking that if you are good and/or do the right things, then they will love you. And your efforts mostly if not always proved fruitless, didn’t they? But you kept on trying, didn’t you?
And since your primary caretakers didn’t love you, how could you possibly have learned to love yourself.
Here’s How To Start to Love Yourself
With time and maybe lots of therapy, you may have come to know intellectually that you are as deserving of love as anyone. But your heart doesn’t get this yet, does it? Not entirely anyway. You still “beat yourself up” over all kinds of things. You still treat yourself badly sometimes. You still tell yourself nasty things. You still self-loathe at times.
Learning how to love yourself is a challenge when you haven’t experienced it in the early, crucial years, but it is possible.
And if you want to have a special someone with whom to share love, you will have to learn, for if you don’t love yourself, how can another person truly and deeply love you?
To deprive yourself of your own love sounds so sad, doesn’t it? Even if you can come to love yourself a little bit, this will make a huge difference in all aspects of your life. And you CAN grow this.
This is a hard one though, especially in the early stages or for those who come from a dearth of love background, for each time you feel the tentative feelings of joy disrupted, your beautiful feeling nest you have built burst, as in someone says something to throw you, you will feel awful, yet it’s not the end. You can talk yourself back, WITH LOVE.
Love Yourself When You Talk to Yourself
You will have to tell yourself each time and maybe for always that this person’s reaction or outburst has NOTHING to do with you. NOTHING. And you can still love yourself despite what goes on around you.
AND each time you are able to reconnect to a better feeling feelings, the more secure you will feel . So every time something or someone attempts or succeeds in upsetting this balance, the easier it will be to NOT let it affect you or at least allow you to re-establish the good feelings more quickly.
Every time you show yourself some love, this will imprint in you, in your brain, in your body, and in your heart. You may have to force yourself, especially in the beginning, but this is how you rewire neural connections, through habit. This is how to grow love for YOU.
And loving yourself makes room for another to love you. The more you learn to love YOU, the more they can love you too.
It may sputter at times, but if a spark of self-love is there smoldering, love CAN still grow between two people, as it continues to swell within yourself.
Everything you do in your life is your choice. It may not feel comfortable getting to where it is you want to go, but this is your choice. Would you prefer to go through a period of time where you are out of your comfort zone to feel good, or would you rather stay where you are within your self-created illusion of safety and not feel so good?
The Choice to Love Yourself is Yours – You Can Do It!
You have the choice to love yourself in each and every moment, and this may feel unbelievably scary, for the thought of changing these deep feeling thought patterns around this can be terrifying even if it’s something you desire. Yet the choice is there. What are you willing to live with?
At some point it will have to feel so bad for you that you will feel at the end of your rope, and you WILL refuse to tolerate it anymore. Then you will take your first steps.
Learning to love myself is something I have danced with and around most of my life. It’s not been an easy lesson to learn. And quite honestly I still struggle with it at times.
Let’s say I feel bad. Maybe I’ve been feeling bad a lot of the time lately. I ask myself if this is habit. Yes it is, yet it’s also part of my original programming. Do I want to feel good or at least better? Of course, but still I feel bad. And I just can’t seem to pull out of it.
It is MY choice to feel good, so when I feel stuck, I can moan about how this isn’t the way I want it; this feels bad; I feel inadequate, BUT I can also look around and see how much wonderfulness I do have, how hard I have worked to create much of this fabulousness, and I can choose to take pleasure in that instead. If I made that choice, I would instantly feel better, if only a little.
Feelings come and go all day long, all life long. One thing you can count on is that they will move and shift. You CAN choose to have those feelings come from love.
You deserve to feel your own love. It’s good. It’s beautiful. Love yourself and enjoy the feeling as much as you are able in this moment, in every moment. You CAN learn to love YOU more and more, SO much even and all of you, even the parts you may not like so much.
So love on yourself tonight. Love on yourself all day, every day.
From Sarah: I love Dominique – she’s helped me and so many of my friends bring a man’s interest back – she’s the real deal. To get more free tips (and a seriously great free report) – just go here to learn to love yourself so he’ll love YOU.